Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This
by DarkAngelwithaPhoneBox
Summary: Dean starts to dream of those he used to know but can't find the one he truly loves. Rated M for terrible sexiness and mpreg/graphic birth later. This is right after 7x03, no spoilers. Completely different direction than the current season.
1. Chapter 1

Dean sat at the bar. He gave the whiskey in his glass one last swirl before drinking it in one swift swallow. For a dream it tasted like the real thing. Even better maybe. How did Dean know it was a dream?

"Ellen, fill me up."

That was the first sign. Dean glanced around the Roadhouse. It was as if it had never burnt down. Ash was hitting on some chick who was trying to blow him off, Jo was hustling an unfortunate trucker by the video arcade and Ellen walked over to Dean.

"Is that really how you want to ask for more, Dean? Remember I can do anything to your drink and you wouldn't know any better."

Dean turned his head to the side and gave her an apologetic grin, "Please?" Ellen smiled, "That's much better. I would beat your dad's ass for not raising you with proper manners if he hadn't stopped coming in ages ago."

She poured a shot of whiskey and Dean was surprised by her insensitivity. "Yeah, he doesn't come around here because he died. He died saving me. So if you don't mind giving his memory a little respect." Dean picked up the shot and downed it without thinking twice. Ellen just kept smiling.

"Oh Dean. You do realise where we are, don't you?"

"We're at the Roadhouse."

"Yes. The Roadhouse. The one that exploded. And look around. You're hanging around with a bunch of dead people. Why would you think your dad couldn't be here?"

Dean looked at Ellen, "What you're saying is that I can bring my father around?"

Ellen shrugged, "It's your head."

"If it's my head, where's Sam?"

Ellen sighed, "Sam isn't dead."

Dean scoffed, "You have to be dead to be in my dreams?"

"If you'd stop feeling so guilty about everything you might dream of someone who's still alive."

Dean starred at Ellen, mouth slightly open as his as his mind tried to wrap his head around what she was saying. "How do you mean?"

"All this guilt. You've been holding all this guilt on your shoulders from everything that's happened to you. You can only dream of the dead when you're carrying as much guilt as you are."

Dean gave a forced half smile, "Well, where's Marilyn Monroe?"

"Dean. You can't lie to your own subconscious." The smile faded from his face.

He looked around again. "If all this is from me feeling guilty, where is he?"

Ellen picked up Dean's glass and filled it with another shot. She averted her eyes, "Dean. The way he makes you feel. You're more guilty about him then with all of everyone combined times 10. To open your subconscious to that amount of guilt? I can't imagine what that would do to you."

Dean watched as Ellen cleaned a glass and started drying it, still avoiding eye contact. "So what you're saying is that I can't even dream about him? Seems a bit harsh. It's not like my head would explode." Ellen glanced up at him and then back to the glass without responding. "My head's not going to explode, is it?"

Ellen paused and finally put the glass down, "Of course not."

"Then why can't I see him?"

"It's you. You shared a profound bond and we don't know how that will affect you. It could leave you braindead. You could fall in a coma! You're just subconsciously protecting yourself from your subconscious. If that makes sense.

Dean drew back and gave a scoff, "Of course it does. I am talking to myself after all."

_Dean. Dean!_

Ellen looked up. "Looks like you're wanted back in reality."

Dean looked at her. Suddenly she was replaced. Sam was standing there instead. He had a shoe in his hand and it looked like he was threatening to launch it at Deans head. Dean groggily held up his hands in surrender, "Dude. I'm alive."

Sam lowered the shoe. "Well, I need you awake. Come on." He tossed the shoe towards the foot of Deans bed. The rest of the day went the same as many of the days before. They were trying to keep track of the leviathans while keeping out of their reach. Throughout the day, Dean got more and more distracted. He wanted to dream. There had to be a way to unlock his subconscious. There had to be a way to see him again.

"Dean." Sam's voice pulled Dean out of his thoughts and back to reality.

"What?"

Sam gestured to Dean's plate, "You've taken, like, one bite of pie. What's up?"

Dean cleared his throat, "Nothing. Just tired."

"You. Tired?" Sam pointed his finger at Dean looking slightly amused.

Dean smiled and spread his arms apart, "What can I say? I may look amazing but I'm just a man."

Sam pulled out his wallet, "Let's get back to the motel then."

As they entered the room, Dean laid down on his bed and immediately fell into a dream state without even bothering to take off his shoes. Sam thought that was strange but let him be.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Authors Note:**_ Thanks for all the good responses! On the request of DeansMuse I rewrote this chapter to include the alcohol to help Dean unlock his subconscious (and I actually like this chapter a lot more now so thank you DeansMuse!)  
>Any reviews or suggestions would be much appreciated!<p>

I'll try to upload a new chapter every Friday and Sunday (right before and after my work week) but if I fall behind, know I'm not ignoring it!

**Full Disclosure?** I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2:<span>**

Dean ended up on a park bench. It felt so familiar. He sat up and looked around, everything was so clean.

"Dean?" A voice enquired from behind. He turned to face a young John Winchester circling the bench. Dean stood meeting his young father in a brief embrace.

"How are you John? How's Mary?"

John smiled, a mild shade of red infusing his cheeks with colour, "Due any day now. With you actually."

Dean froze for a minute, wondering how John knew it was him before remembering it was a dream.

"I hope I haven't been too much trouble." Dean joked.

"You have no idea. I was actually on my way to see her now. Do you want to come?" John asked.

Dean nodded, "Of course." They took a few steps in silence before Dean spoke, "So. You know about all this guilt dream crap?"

John shrugged, "Some. Ellen really knows the most."

Dean slowed, "Wait. How can she know more if it's all in my subconscious? Shouldn't you know as much as I do? You're me, after all."

John stopped in front of a diner, "If only it was really that simple." He pulled open the door.

They walked in and Dean saw Mary sitting over at the cash register, quite obviously near the end of her pregnancy. As soon as she waved goodbye to the customer she was helping she noticed John and Dean.

"I'm going to take my break now." She called into the back.

John walked faster, meeting his wife with a gentle kiss. Dean stopped for a second, taking in the moment. His parents together made Dean feel something he didn't think he'd feel.

"Dean." Mary made her way over to him. "How's my Dean?"

Dean smiled, "A little worse for wear. Nothing I can't handle."

Mary rested her hand on Deans cheek. She gave him a sympathetic smile, "I'm sure he has forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself."

Dean blinked back the tears that were welling up. He wrapped her in a hug. Knowing that he'd lose it if he tried to speak. Slowly Dean released himself from the hug. John led them over to a booth and they sat down. Dean ordered a slice of pie. He knew exactly what he wanted to ask. But he hesitated.

John smiled, "You can ask. It's not like you need permission."

Dean sighed, "Good to know." He took a bite of pie as Mary nestled her head against John's shoulder. There was that feeling again. He didn't understand it. Why would he feel jealous? He swallowed his pie awkwardly.

"So, do you know where to find Ellen?"

"It's really up to you. You should be able to bring her around when you think about her." John stated simply.

"Just like that? It feels too easy." Dean scoffed.

"Just try it." Mary said encouragingly. Dean sighed and closed his eyes. He concentrated on his memories of Ellen. He could almost feel her.

A bell, signaling that someone had come into the diner jingled off behind Dean's back, jolted him into the dream again.

"Dammit. I felt so close."

Mary smiled and nodded to someone behind Dean.

"Hi Mary." Said a familiar voice. Dean turned, "Ellen?"

What was standing before him was not what he expected. The woman looked like Jo with dark brown hair which was pulled up into a ponytail. She nodded.

"Care to take a walk with me?"

Dean glanced at his parents who nodded their approval for Dean to leave. He stood up and shook Johns hand.

"You take care of her."

John smiled as Dean turned to Mary.

"And you. Take care of me."

She smiled back at him, hands resting on her stomach. Dean walked away from them without another glance. Ellen followed close behind.

"You know this is all a dream, right?"

Dean nodded, "I know. But you said this is all about me feeling guilty, right?"

It was Ellen's turn to nod.

"Then I want them to know I cared for them. Even if it's just me talking to myself."

"It's not really that simple." Ellen said.

"You know. Everyone keeps saying that. Would you mind letting me know what you mean?" Dean asked annoyed.

"Well, we are your subconscious but at the same time we're remnants of your memories. Like me. I'm just a picture from your dads journal. But here I am, walking and talking."

"But I'm controlling everything you do?"

"That's where it gets tricky," Ellen sighed. "See, you were the closest human soul to me when I died. So a small part of me is now a part of you. Same with your dad, and Jo, and him."

Dean drew his eyebrows upwards, "That sounds a bit too Harry Potter for me."

Ellen gave up a smile, "It really like Harry Potter. Compared to Harry Potter and Voldemort, you and I are as far apart as the Grand Canyon is deep."

Dean shrugged, "Okay. I don't feel super crazy now. But I still need to know, how can I see him?"

Ellen sighed, "It'll be hard. You're just protecting yourself."

Dean put his hands in his pockets and drew his jaw out, nodding his head slightly, "Well, I've never been an advocate for self-preservation."

Ellen rolled her eyes, "That's fairly obvious by how much you drink."

She paused, eyes growing wide, "That's it, Dean!"

Dean jumped at a sudden buzzing started going off in his head, "That's my wake up call." He said pointing upwards.

Ellen grabbed him by his shoulders, "Before you fall asleep. You need to drink."

Dean searched her eyes, trying to understand, "I drink every night."

Her grip tightened as she tried to keep them from waking up, "No. You need to drink as much as you can. It might soften your subconscious enough to-"

Dean grabbed her arms as she started to disappear, "Enough to see him?"

Suddenly his eyes shot open and he took in a deep gasp, not realising that he'd been holding his breath. Sam walked into from the bathroom. He noticed Dean drinking in the oxygen.

"You okay, man?"

Dean sat up, slowly nodding, "Yeah. Crazy dream."

Sam nodded, not inquiring any further. Sam knew he wouldn't get anything out of Dean before he was ready to tell him. Dean got off the bed and walked over to the mini-fridge, grabbing a beer, he took in a gulp.

"Really, Dean? You literally woke up twenty seconds ago." Sam teased.

"Shut up, bitch." Dean responded taking another sip.

"Only if you tell me what's up, jerk." Sam held his breath, silently hoping that Dean would let down his guard.

Dean looked at him, "Why would you think something's up?"

Sam sighed, "Never mind, man." He knew Dean wouldn't say anything more. At least he tried.

They spent the rest of the day trying to find out if there was a way to kill or harm the leviathans without dying. Sam noticed that Dean was never without a drink throughout the day. As concerned as he was about his older brother, he was relieved that they never had the need to leave the motel. By seven that night, Dean was completely drunk. Drunker than Sam had ever seen him. Dean stumbled over to Sam.

"Sammy. Have I ever told you that I'd do anything for you?"

Sam pulled back, away from the strong scent of alcohol on Dean's breath.

"Dean. I love you, but you really need to stop drinking."

Sam went to take the glass of scotch out of Deans hand. Dean was too inebriated to really fight back but he followed Sam to the bathroom where he watched Sam pour the alcohol down the drain.

"I need to drink." Dean stumbled away from the bathroom and fell against the bed, "I need to see him. I need to..."

Dean trailed off as Sam bent down to his eye level, "See who, Dean?"

Dean looked away from Sam trying to stand but failed, "I need to sleep."

Sam took the hint and helped Dean enough to lay down on the bed.

"Why do you need to sleep?" Sam tried again.

"Unlock subconciousinees." With those drunken words, Deans eyes shut, leaving Sam with nothing but questions.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Authours note:_** Thanks again for reading! This is kind of a two part chapter. A bit long to put together in one piece but I promise I'll try not to leave you hanging for too long (also, updating earlier as my sister is visting wooo). Once again, if you like it, please review. If you don't like it, please tell me why. I can handle it :)

**Full disclosure? **I don't own anything Supernatural. Sad but true.

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><p>Dean rolled over, his eyes still shut. He felt the dirt and leaves rub against his face and he jerked his head back away from the ground. Apart from the shock from the dirt, he felt fine. It was strange. He'd never been able to drink that much without waking up with a nasty hangover. He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a forest. It felt so familiar, like he had been there before, but he couldn't remember. Slowly getting to his feet, he turned completely around. No one was in sight. He was completely alone. This was new.<p>

"Ellen! Ellen, where are you?"

He paused, waiting for Ellen to reply, "Please. Anyone?"

When no one replied he started walking. He had no idea where he was going or where he would end up he just knew that he needed to move. The space in his mind felt so vast. The dreams before this felt like he had been swimming in a kitty pool and now he felt like he was thrown into an ocean. How was he going to find Ellen?

Only five minutes later, he found himself coming into a clearing. He saw someone standing in the centre. Long brown hair ran down her back. She turned.

"Ellen!" Dean shouted, feeling relived. He sprinted over to her.

"I-uh-" He attempted breathlessly. Ellen held up her hand.

"I know why you're here, Dean. Did you do what I told you too?"

Dean nodded, "Yes. I felt like I drank an entire liquor store. Now you have to tell me how. I need to see him."

"You're starting to sound desperate." Ellen said simply.

Dean lowered his eyes, his cheeks starting to flush.

The young Ellen smiled, "That's a good thing. You'll need to be desperate."

Dean sighed, "Please. I don't know how long I have down here. Or up here. Sammy was asking questions and I'm sure he'll try to wake me up soon."

Ellen took Deans hand in her own, "Close your eyes. Just for a minute."

Dean obeyed, "Alright."

He heard Ellen's voice, "Feel your mind."

Dean sighed, "Feel my mind? I'm in my mind."

Ellen gripped his hands tighter in annoyance, "Just do it, Dean. Reach out in your mind. It will help you."

Dean rolled his eyes from within his closed eyelids and started reaching out with his mind. He found it too easy, but his mind was so vast. He felt like he was being swallowed by a tidal wave. He opened his eyes in shock and gasped in a breath of air.

Ellen looked concerned, "Did it hurt?"

Dean shook his head.

"Good. What was it then?" She asked.

"I found it so easy to manoeuvre my mind. It was like I was feeling everything at once and I was in the middle of a huge space with nowhere to go." Dean hesitated, trying to find the words to explain.

"Go on." Ellen urged.

"But it started crashing. Like a building or a wave."

"Good. That's the alcohol. It freed you. And that crashing you felt is probably the cage you built him falling apart. Now it gets hard. Even though you're relaxing I can still feel a small part of your conscious trying to protect itself."

"So, I still can't see him? Dean asked, heart dropping.

"Oh, you can see him. You just have to convince yourself that you'll be fine if you see him."

"How?" Dean asked.

"You have to talk to yourself."

"Great. I thought I was talking to myself." Dean was getting agitated.

"We've been over that. A part of me is in here too. So, you have to convince me." Ellen said with an apologetic shrug.

"You? " Dean pointed at Ellen. She nodded.

"Yeah. I'm like the guardian of your subconscious."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed, "Fine. Please, Ellen. I need to see him."

"Why?" Ellen asked, unphased.

"Why? You're inside my head. A part of me. You should know." Dean snapped.

"That's not the point. You can't just think it. You need to feel it in the deepest parts of you."

Ellen pressed her hand to Dean's chest for a moment before dropping it back to her side. Dean only felt annoyed. He didn't like the therapy that he was giving himself. But Dean needed to see him. He closed his eyes again and started thinking about everything he'd left unsaid. Everything he'd left undone. He slowly let it all wash over him until he fell to his knees. He felt a tear silently slid down his cheek. He opened his eyes and blinked hard, willing the tears to stop. He looked up at Ellen out of the corner of his eyes.

"Ellen, I need to see him. I have something to say. Something I should've said a long time ago. Please, let me see him."

He dropped his eyes away from Ellen's stare. She took his chin under her hand and lifted Dean's face to meet her eyes and she kneeled down to meet him on the ground.

"Don't stop."

"Seeing him will ease the guilt. I swear I'll make it to the other side."

She dropped his chin and stood. She just stared and turned away. Dean closed his eyes and desperately cried out at her as she started walking away.

"Please! I just need to see him!"

"Then why don't you just say my name?"

Dean's eyes snapped open at the familiar raspy voice coming from behind him. He didn't know if he wanted to turn around. Not yet. What if this was some kind of cruel joke? But he needed to know. Slowly standing, he turned and said the named he'd been avoiding for so long.

"Cas?"

And there he was. He looked different. His hair was longer and it fell towards his face instead of sweeping upwards. He looked relaxed and even smiled.

"Hello Dean."

Cas was only feet away. A silence hovered in the air before Cas finally spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I never redeemed myself. It appears I've only made it worse by releasing the leviathans."

Dean just stood there trying to think of what to say. Cas shifted his feet nervously. Dean had lost all the speeches he had prepared mentally, hoping that somehow he'd see Castiel again. And here he was. Standing right in front of him and he couldn't find the words to say. There was only one thing he wanted to do. Only one thing he could do. He closed the gap between himself and Castiel, placing his lips firmly again the angels before he could react. Dean's hand found its way to Cas' hair as the other rested gently on the small of his back. Castiel stiffened in surprise but returned the affection moments later.

Dean felt a tear run down his face followed by the warmth of Cas' hand wiping it away. Dean pulled back and looked into Castiel's eyes.

"Oh Cas. Don't you dare apologise to me ever again. You went to hell for me. You put me back together. You shed your blood and killed your brothers for me. You rebelled only to watch me fail. Hell Cas, you died for me. And I had given up on you when you never gave up on me. I tried to kill you. How can you ask for my forgiveness when I'm the one that needs to be forgiven? Please Cas, can you give me a chance for redemption?"

Dean stared into Cas' bright blue eyes, praying that he wasn't just talking to himself. Castiel wiped the fresh tear that ran down Dean's cheek and continued to run his hand through Dean's hair.

"I am very surprised. I never thought this is how you felt. Had I know, I would have done _this_ much sooner."

With that statement Castiel pressed his lips against Deans.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Authors Note:**_ Hai there. In honour of the title of last nights episode I decided to post the slash today (get it? Slash Fiction? haha). It's my first shot at trying to write anything like this (and it's probably as graphic as I'll get with the sex because I felt super awkward the whole time) so please let me know what you did or didn't like about it. I'll try and update soon.

**Full Disclosure?** I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 4:<span>**

Dean closed his eyes and sighed into the kiss. He opened his mouth slightly and slid his tongue against Cas' bottom lip, begging entrance. Cas complied and moaned as their tongues met. As they explored each other completely, Dean felt the blood start rushing downwards. He removed his jacket, never letting his lips leave Cas'. He slipped his hands under Castiel's trench coat sliding it slowly off his shoulders.

Cas suddenly pulled away, "Wait."

Dean, surprised by the sudden shyness inquired, "What is it?"

Cas slid out of his coats and proceeded to unbutton his shirt. As much as Dean enjoyed the strip show he offered, "Do you want some help?"

Cas shook his head, unbuttoning the last button. He hesitated.

"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean rubbed Cas' arm gently. Cas' skin turned to goosebumps. His desire was so very strong.

"I have something I want to show you. Something I believe you will enjoy."

Castiel removed his shirt. At first Dean couldn't see what Cas was trying to show him. Then slowly, they unfurled. Cas' wings were a deep blue, shimmering in the sunlight. As Cas extended them slowly Dean stepped forward in awe. He tore his eyes from the wings to meet Castiel's eyes. Eyes he found were already watching his movements and gauging his reaction.

"Cas, you've never looked more beautiful."

Cas' face fell towards his chest in modesty. Dean placed his hand against Cas' cheek and brought his face up to meet his. They simply looked into each others eyes for a moment before Dean leaned in for a kiss. Castiel answered more aggressively this time.

He pushed himself away from Dean long enough to pull Deans shirts away from his skin and over his head. They touched lips briefly and Cas proceeded to work his lips down Deans jaw and neck, sucking and slowly releasing, leaving marks of his affection behind. Dean grew hard at the new approach Cas was taking. He leaned his head back, welcoming Cas to continue.

Cas released his teeth from Deans shoulder and looked up at Dean. Seeing Deans head leaning back and hearing the hunters moans awakened a new level of arousal in the angel. Cas slid his hand slowly down Deans stomach, past his hip and onto his groin. He felt the straining flesh against Deans jeans as the hunter let out a cry, "Cas. Oh god."

Cas grinned, pleased that he was pleasing Dean, "I am not God."

Dean lowered his head and smiled at Cas, "I know."

Dean rested his hands on Cas' hips as they returned to the kiss. Dean slowly started to inch his hands up Cas' back until he reached what he was searching for. He put one hand in-between Cas' shoulder blades where the wings met the skin, massaging the area as he gently slid his other hand through the soft feathers of Cas' wing. Castiel pulled away from the kiss and gasped for air, moaning loudly when he found it.

He thrust his hips forward until he met Dean's groin with his own. The friction that simple act created was almost too much for Dean. He started to fall backwards towards the forest floor. Luckily, he was in the presence of an angel. Cas quickly wrapped his wings around Dean's body, preventing him from hitting the ground. Dean smiled up at him, "My guardian angel."

Castiel lowered them the rest of the way until they lay completely still on the forest floor. Dean sighed. The way that Cas caught him so easily made him feel more secure than he'd felt in a very long time. Cas eased himself down and softly kissed Deans forehead, continuing down his face until their lips met again. Dean moaned again as Cas' lips left his own too quickly and continued to his chest. Cas gave a quick hip thrust causing Dean to shutter. He needed it. Now.

"Cas. Cas. Please. I need you."

Cas looked into Dean's eyes as Dean struggled with Cas' belt, "I'm right here Dean."

Dean shook his head and whispered, "No Cas. I need you, inside of me."

Cas looked at him for a moment, confused, before it clicked. Cas steadied Dean's hands, removing them from his belt. Dean almost look hurt and was about to protest when Cas brought his finger to Dean's lips, stopping him. With a quick snap of his fingers, Dean and Cas were pressed together, skin to skin, their clothes removed. Cas brought his head a hairs breath above Deans. Lips almost touching. He whispered, "Are you prepared?"

Dean gave a ragged breath and returned the whisper, "I've never done this before."

Cas closed the gap in-between their lips. "Neither have I." He breathed into Dean. Cas reached over to his wings and squeezed. A soft liquid covered his fingers. Dean may have never done this before, but he picked up on the hint. He wrapped his legs around Cas' hips as the angel rose to his knees. The wings were holding them steady as Cas lowered his hand.

"Please Cas. Take me." Dean encouraged. Cas circled his entrance with an oil coated finger and Dean let out a loud groan. Cas slid his first finger in slowly as Dean cried out. Cas hesitated. Dean, sensing Cas' concern with hurting him gave an encouraging thrust upwards, "More Cas. I can handle it. Just give me more."

Cas slid his second finger in upon this request. The pain mixed with pleasure was so intense it blurred Deans vision. He thrust his hips upwards again until the tips of Cas' fingers slid back and forth along Deans prostrate. Cas thrust in the last finger and the climax came so close it threatened to overcome Dean. He tries to pull downwards to escape Cas' fingers but Cas had become possessive and would have none of that. He thrust his fingers deeper, stretching and preparing Dean. As he did that he lowered his mouth around the head of Deans erection, the salty taste of pre-come filling his mouth. Dean roughly grabbed at Cas' hair and cried out, "Cas, please!"

Cas looked up at Dean, "Be patient. I will make you mine." He pulled his fingers from Dean, one by one, and rubbed the remaining oil on his hand to his own growing erection. He guided himself downwards and pressed his head into Dean's entrance. He moaned as Dean thrust upwards. Cas began to rock back and forth, inch by inch entering Dean. As Cas continued thrusting, Dean moved to work on his own erection. Somehow Dean found Cas' lips, giving him a forceful kiss before demanding, "Faster! Harder!"

The angel obeyed, and it sent Dean over the top. His orgasm showed through the come that was covering his and Cas' chests. Cas continued to thrust as Dean continued to spurt and tighten around him. Cas dipped and licked some of Dean's come from his stomach. Salt and sweet. Dean grew ever tighter and Cas gasped, pupils dilating as he released into Dean. He cried out and groaned loudly, "Dean! Oh, Dean!"

Dean smiled as the sound of his name cried in ecstasy. He looked up at the angel and rubbing his back, willing Cas to come completely, "I know Cas." The angel slowly pulled out, leaving Dean felling very empty and exposed, he lowered his head onto Deans chest listening to their accelerated heartbeats starting to slow. They rolled over, Dean safely lowered into the crook of Cas' neck, the wings covering them in protection.

"I take that as a yes," Dean rasped out. Cas looked confused. "Am I forgiven?" Dean put simply.

Cas grinned, "More then forgiven. If that's possible." Cas nibbled at the top of Deans ear. Dean felt content. He never wanted to leave this. He felt the urge to say something, "Cas?"

Castiel ran his fingers through Deans hair, "Yes, beloved?"

Dean cleared his throat, "I-um. I'm not good at this kind of thing. I just want to say-" Dean paused. There was no way he couldn't say it now. And he wanted to say it, "I love you, Cas."

Cas froze for a moment before raising himself onto his elbow, angling for a better look at Deans face. He wanted to see the emotions on Deans face when he replied, "I love you, Dean. It seems as though our bond is more profound then I previously thought."

Dean chuckled, "That's one way to say it." Castiel parted his lips and suddenly shut them, as though he had something important to say but had decided against it.

Dean became curious, "What is it Cas?"

Cas stared into Deans eyes, "I don't want this to end." Dean smiled. "But it must. You must wake up." Cas finished with a sigh.

Dean sat up. He turned to a sad looking Cas, "Really? Who says I can't stay with you?"

Cas shrugged, "No one, I suppose-" Dean nodded, "-But what happens to Sam. He needs you right now. You can't just sleep through it."

Dean tries to think of a good counter argument, but nothing comes to mind. They sat there in a staring contest close to 3 minutes before Dean caves, "I know. I would never be able to leave Sam."

Cas sat up completely and snapped his fingers. They both had their pants back on. "All the fun is over when the pants slip back on." Dean sighed.

Cas went to fold his wings back and Dean, who was still sitting on them, tumbled forwards. Cas caught him and gave him a solid kiss, "Who said that?"

Dean smiled, "I did. But I don't anymore." The smile faded from Dean's face as he thought about how he needed to go back to reality, "When will I see you again, Cas?"

Castiel rose to his feet and reached his hand down, offering it to Dean who took it without question and stood up. "It's really up to you. You could see me everytine you sleep if that's what you wish."

Dean nodded as he ran his hand through Cas' now messy hair, "I would like that." He leaned in for another kiss. He closed his eyes as their lips met. He felt Cas pulled away and when Dean opened his eyes, Cas was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Authors Note:_** Remember when I said I'd post stuff in a routine (fridays and sundays)? Yeah, I decided to not do that. I'll post whenever I want now haha.

**_Full Disclosure? _**I don't own anything Supernatural. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 4:<span>**

So was the forest, actually. He was looking at a ceiling that looked exremely familiar. He shifted and sat up. He heard a loud clatter and a glass breaking.

"Dean? Bobby! Bobby, Dean's awake."

Dean was sitting on a couch in Montana, "Ah man. I just escaped this couch." Dean said jokingly.

Sam rushed over to him, "Dean, are you alright?"

Dean felt confused, "Of course I'm alright. Why shouldn't I be? And how did I get here?"

"You've been asleep for almost a week dude. When I couldn't wake you up at the motel I brought you here and called Bobby."

At the mention of his name, Bobby walked in the door, "Finally awake. Have enough beauty sleep?"

Dean laughed, "Never enough when you're this good looking. I'm starving though. Do we have any pie?"

Sam smiled, "Of course."

Dean remembered the many mishaps with Sam and pie, "Pie, Sam. Not cake."

Sam had already pulled a plate from the counter, "It's real pie."

Sam walked over to him and handed the plate to him.

"So. Where were you?" Sam asked.

Dean chewed through the first bite a little too quickly, "I was obviously sleeping. How would I know where I was?"

Sam grinned and let out a sigh, "I meant, did anything unusual happen? Any strange dreams?"

Deans chewing slowed. He cleared his throat, "Maybe."

Sam dipped his head, waiting for more of an explanation, "And?"

Dean shrugged, finishing his pie, "And what?"

Sam moved towards Dean, reaching for his empty plate, "Well, what did you dr-" Something caught Sams eye. Red marks running down Deans neck. If he didn't know any better he would say Dean had been off with some chick instead of out cold...

Dean stared at Sams face, trying to figure out what caught his eye.

"What are you staring at? It's creepy."

Sam rubbed his own neck, "When did that happen, Dean?"

Dean went to feel his neck, "When did wha-" Dean froze. He felt a swollen patch of skin. There was no way. He bolted upright and rushed to the bathroom. Sam followed close behind only to nearly catch a door in his face as Dean slammed the bathroom shut for privacy.

Sam slammed his fist against the door, "Dean! Just tell us what happened."

Dean stared in the mirror. He had removed his shirt to find every hickey intact, bright red, as if they'd just been created.

"How is this possible?"

Dean traced his hand over every bruise lovingly. It had to be some kind of angel mojo making what happened in his subconscious crossover to his reality. The bathroom door swung open. Bobby and Sam stood there looking at Dean.

"Do you mind letting us know what idjit thing you did this time?" Bobby asked.

Dean just stared at them, trying to figure it out himself.

Sam was looking at his neck, "Are those...?" He trailed off.

Dean grabbed his shirt and shoved past Sam. He had no idea how to explain this. They followed Dean to the kitchen where Bobby pushed him towards a chair.

"Sit down boy. You need to tell us exactly how your little love bumps came to be."

Dean could tell he wasn't getting around this. He started with the Roadhouse, continued with his younger parents intertwining the ongoing conversation he had with Ellen. When he got to where Castiel appeared he stopped. He had no clue what to say.

Sam urged him on, "Cas appeared. What happened next?" He said as though Dean was reading this story out of a book and had stopped right before the climax. Dean blushed a deep red. He rubbed the hickeys on his neck. Sam pulled back.

"Tell me you didn't."

Bobby took a sip of beer, looking amused, "Of course he did."

"Is that where all the hickeys came from?"

Dean could feel his blush deepening, "Well. It may have gotten a little heated. Is it warmer in here then usual?" Dean asked pulling his shirt away from his chest.

Bobby grinned, "Nope. That's just your embarrassment. Never thought we'd know, did ya? It's not really something to be ashamed of, Dean."

Sam looked at Bobby and then locked eyes with Dean, "Bobby's right. If you love Cas. You love him. There's nothing wrong with love."

Dean took a deep breath, relieved, "That's a surprising reaction."

Sam smiled, "Well, we've actually been waiting for this for a while now. And, by the looks of it," Sam gestured to Deans neck, "Cas was really good."

Dean picked up a book on the table and tried throwing it towards Sam, "Bitch."

Sam had caught the book, "Jerk."

Bobby took the book from Sam's hand, "Don't go throwing my books. I just started getting these back together."

"What I'm wondering is how did those hickeys appear if it was all in your subconscious." Sam wondered out loud.

Dean shrugged, "Maybe it has something to do with his angel mojo. I'll ask him next time I see him."

Sam nodded passing Dean a beer. As he took a sip he grinned. He knew he wouldn't really be doing much talking next time he saw Castiel.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Authors Note:_** Alright. So this is the last chapter before mpreg begins. (Sorry for dragging it out a bit but I really wanted to establish the story) Let me know what you think! Also it may be a week or so for the next chapter because I'll be visiting some mates :)

**_Warning:_** If you don't like mpreg, this is a nice sort of ending chapter for you. I tried to end it nicely for you who don't like mpregs so let me know what you think.

**Full Disclosure?** I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 6:<span>**

The rest of the day they sat and read through all the books they could find on dream lore. They found what Ellen had said about dreaming of the dead was everywhere but they still couldn't find anything on how Dean's dream could have crossed over to reality. Dean had a couple theories but they all seemed too simple. They read on, even as the sun went down. Around 3 that morning Bobby had started to doze, Sam's eyes were growing heavy but when Dean got up from the kitchen table and reclined on the couch there was a change in the room. Sam stood up and Bobby jolted awake.

"What are you doing Dean?" Sam asked aggressively.

Dean held up his hands and stepped away from the couch.

"I'm really tired man. I was just going to lie down for a couple minutes."

Bobby shook his head, "How do we know you're not going to be gone for another week. We'd kind of appreciate if you didn't go make hickeys with your new boyfriend instead of help us with research."

Sam walked over to Dean, "He's right Dean. I don't know how long you'll be in your head. We don't even know why you ended up there that long. Can we just try and stay awake until we find something out?"

Dean sighed, "Fine. Just to let you know, I feel like I haven't slept in a month. So how do you suggest we stay awake?"

Bobby sighed, "We're all tired boy. And I don't know. Maybe the best step forward is to let you fall asleep. You can talk to Cas and he might be able to tell us what the hell is going on."

Sam turned to Bobby, "What if it's worse the second time? He could be out of it for weeks. I don't really want to do that again. It's a pain in the ass to stay here when there is so much to hunt right now. And we can't just forget about the leviathans."

Bobby brought his hands up in a gesture to calm Sam down, "I know. We'll take care of them in time. Right now we all need some rest or we'll never be able to hunt anything without getting ourselves killed. And Dean seems like our best bet. Cas had the leviathans in him for a while-" Dean unconsciously smiled at the unintentionally innuendo and laughed. Bobby and Sam rolled their eyes and Dean tried to cough to cover up the laughter that was still coming. "-so he might be able to give us some clues on how to gank them."

Sam stared at Bobby and looked back at Dean. Dean held his breath.

"Alright. Just try and not stay in your head for too long okay? We need you out here."

Dean gave Sam a brief hug, "I'll do the best I can. You know I'd never be able to leave you for long."

With that they all got as comfortable as they could in the cabin and fell asleep.

Dean still felt drowsy as he tried to mentally block the alarm clock that was buzzing near his ear. He felt someone reach over him and silent the alarm. He felt that he was wearing some sort of pajama scrub type bottoms but no shirt. He struggled to open his eyes and when he did he found everything was still fuzzy. He shut his eyes and rubbed them for a moment. As he was doing that he felt a warm familiar head lie down on top of his chest. He opened his eyes and glanced downwards to find Cas rest his head near the left side of his ribcage.

"I was hoping that would work." Cas muttered closing his eyes.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas pulling him upwards until he felt Cas' head in the crook of his neck. He moved his hand onto Cas' head and brushed his fingertips through his hair.

"Hoped that what would work?" Dean asked curiously.

"The alarm clock. If you could be taken away from Ellen with an alarm clock I thought I should try it." Cas said as he ran his hand over Dean's chest and wrapped his arm around until his hand was underneath Dean and gently stroking his shoulder blade.

Dean gave a low groan. He turned onto his side, moving Cas so they were lying there face to face. Dean rested his hand on Cas' cheek, moving his thumb softly along his cheek bone. Cas smiled and scooted forward eagerly, like a child waiting for dessert. Dean knew he had to start asking questions soon, but the mouth was such a glorious gift from God. Why waste that gift on doing such mundane things such as talking? Dean leaned towards Cas and gave him a firm kiss. Dean took his time in opening his mouth to Cas who seemed eager to deepen the kiss. Growing impatient, Cas moved backwards away from Dean towards his pillow, but Dean followed. Using his arm to prop himself up, he moved his head above Cas'. He didn't want to let it end yet but he pulled his head upwards. Cas sighed happily.

"What is it Dean?"

Dean shifted his weight to one arm and ran his fingers through Cas' hair again.

"I have a lot of questions I should be asking."

Cas nodded, "I know. I have answers. But I don't just give information like that away for free."

Dean smiled at the way Cas was flirting with him, "Oh really. I hate to do this to you but I don't think I have any money."

Cas gave a fake frown, "Aww. That's too bad."

Dean pressed his index finger to Cas' lips, "Is there any other form of payment I could use? Perhaps a trade?"

Cas pulled his bottom lip upwards and pretended to consider his options as Dean pulled his hand away from his face and returned it to the bed.

"Well, I do like pearls."

And in that moment Dean couldn't help himself, he started laughing. Cas froze and looked concerned.

"What, Dean? Am I doing it wrong?"

Dean shook his head and quieted his laughter, "No Cas. You're doing it too good. I've never been with a more flirtatious person."

Cas smiled in relief as Dean lowered himself back into the kiss. As the kiss deepened, Cas gently wrapped his hand around Dean leg and tried to force his own leg underneath it. Dean got the hint and lifted his leg enough to allow their legs to intertwine. Cas leaned his head back and gave out a soft moan.

"Dean. I've never exposed myself to anyone as I've exposed myself to you. Please. I want to give myself to you."

Dean lifted his head away from Cas' neck to look into Cas' eyes. They were so calm, not a hint of being nervous or anxious. Cas cupped Dean's face in his hands. Dean could feel his eyes shift back and forth as he tried to take in Cas' entire facial expression.

"Do you understand what I'm asking of you?" Cas asked softly.

Dean slightly nodded, "I want you to give yourself completely to me. I want to take you completely. You made me yours. I'll make you mine. In the same loving way."

Dean lowered himself back down onto Castiel, kissing him feverously. He felt Cas' hands removing his pajama bottoms and he tried to help as best as he could. They started giggling when the bottoms got stuck turning inside out over Dean's foot. Cas could have used his angel mojo to remove the clothes like he did last time, but Dean could feel that Cas was enjoying the human process of undressing. Soon they were both gloriously naked and Dean was straddling Cas. There they were. Just looking at each other, smiling. Dean leaned down and whispered in Cas' ear, "Now the beds have turned. Are you prepared for this, angel?"

Cas' smile widened and he nodded happily, "I'll always be ready to be with you."

Dean gave him one more brief kiss before making him completely his.

Dean lay on top of Cas, resting his head against Cas' chest as he felt their heart rates slow together. The aftermath of that ecstasy was just amazing. Dean couldn't find any words to say and Cas just rested his hand on Dean's head, completely content. He needed to pull out but this moment was so perfect. Dean had never felt like the other half to someone's whole. Sam popped into his head. Well, of course he was Sam's other half. But this, what he had with Cas, it was something unexplainable. Dean regretted never having fallen in love before.

"Dean."

Dean felt his heart beat accelerate when Cas said his name.

"What is it?"

Cas shifted slightly gesturing downwards.

"Could you- um..."

Dean lifted his head and smiled at Cas' awkwardness. He leaned up for a kiss and then sat up and slowly pulled himself out of Cas. He couldn't help but lean in for another kiss as Cas' eyes shut and he grimaced, whether it was out of pain or pleasure, Dean didn't know. Cas took as large gasp and rolled over, forcing Dean beneath him.

"I think that was worthy payment. What would you ask of me?"

"I just want to know what you know."

Cas sighed, "We may be here a very long time Dean."

Dean smiled, "I meant what you know about this. Like why I was asleep for a week."

Cas acted as a cradle for Dean as he contemplated an answer.

"I suppose it was a defense mechanism. You didn't know what would happen when you saw me so you went into a rest mode."

Dean scoffed.

"Rest mode my ass. I'm not getting any rest. I feel like I haven't gotten any sleep."

Cas frowned, "I believe I can help with that. I could control your subconscious enough to calm it and give you rest."

Dean sighed tiredly, "I'd appreciate it. I'll still get to see you though."

Cas nodded.

"Of course. Not as much."

Dean sat up, "How not as much are we talking about?"

Cas rubbed his hands up and down Deans reassuringly.

"You'll still see me two or three times a week. Does that sound feasible?"

Dean stopped Cas' hand on the scar he had left on his shoulder all those years ago. Cas' breath caught in his throat.

"It's not nearly enough time. I just got you back. But I'll take as much time as I can get."

Cas looked from where their hands were resting to meet Dean's eyes. Dean smiled then spoke again.

"Another question. Some of what happened last time we were together showed when I woke up."

Dean released Cas' hand and got off the bed, grabbing his trousers and pulling them on one leg at a time. Cas blushed.

"Yes. I saw that. I didn't mean to be so aggressive."

Dean leaned down and gave Cas a soft kiss.

"I like it when you're aggressive. What I was wondering is how did that happen?"

Dean sat back on the bed.

"I think that what we did crossed over into your reality from a combination on two things."

Cas scooted over to Dean, criss-crossing his legs under the sheets, hair sticking up every which way. Dean smiled. Cas looked so damn adorable.

"So the first thing is your desire. This is one of your deepest desires."

Dean nodded. No need to try and deny it to someone who was stuck in his head.

"Second. When I raised you from perdition I used some of my grace as an adhesive to keep your soul and body together. So what I believe happened when we became one is that my grace touched the grace that I left inside of you. Mixed with the intense desire for it all to be real, it caused your dream to become your reality."

Dean thought about it.

"That's it? It seems too simple."

Cas shrugged, "Must it be complicated?"

Dean sighed, "I suppose not. I'm just used to it being that way. So, what I desire becomes reality?"

Cas shook his head.

"Not what you just desire. It must share your grace."

Dean gave a sly grin, "So only you?"

Cas smiled and leaned towards Dean. He lifted his hand and rested it on Dean's cheek, brushing his thumb across his lips.

"Only me."

Dean leaned in for one last kiss before waking up.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Authors Note:**_ AH Hello there! I was gone much longer than I thought I would be. Anyways, here it is! Beginning of mpreg. (I have no idea why I became so angsty) So yeah. Also, I'm sort of beta-ing my own story so if you get emails saying there's new chapters it's just me trying to make myself a better looking human.

_**Full Disclosure? **_I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 7:<strong>_

Over the next couple of months things went back to normal. Well, as normal as Sam and Dean's life had been before. Sam noticed the only difference was that Dean was... Happier? That didn't seem like the right word. But Dean was more relaxed than Sam had seen him in a very long time. He never slept as long as he had the first time he saw Cas either. Eight hours is the longest he ever slept nowadays. It was more sleep than before Cas came back though. So Sam couldn't understand why Dean hadn't been feeling well the past couple days. Dean never got sick. Ever. Sam knocked on the motels bathroom door.

"You okay, Dean?"

Sam heard a flush and the door opened. Dean looked terrible.

"I feel like I look Sam. Like shit."

Dean leaned against the doorway taking a deep breath. Sam offered his body as support as Dean stumbled forwards onto the bed.

"I'm assuming we'll take care of the case later." Sam said, trying not to offend Dean.

Dean just laid back and groaned. Sam took that as a yes and began to take Dean's shoes off.

"Do you think you've been sick lately has anything to do with Cas? I mean, you never get sick and then Cas shows up and you can't get better."

Dean turned onto his side and brought his legs to his chest, holding himself in the fetal position.

"Don't you think I would've gotten sick sooner if it was because of Cas?"

Sam shrugged, "Maybe it's a delayed effect. Could you ask him anyways?"

Dean nodded and closed his eyes, slipping into sleep almost instantly. Sam folded the comforter over, covering Dean as much as he could.

Dean woke up in a house. One he didn't recognise. He sat up, all feelings of nausea gone.

"Cas?"

Dean stood and started walking through the house. Cas wasn't here. Dean pulled a curtain and glanced outside to find the house was on a beach. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been to the beach. The beach was empty in both directions save for one man. The man turned and smiled. It took Dean a second to recognise Castiel. He was wearing kakei shorts and a vintage Led Zepplin t-shirt. Dean grinned and walked outside. Cas smiled and stared, his gaze only left Dean once to look out at the sun setting over the water.

"Hello Dean." His voice was softer than the last time they were together almost a week ago.

"Hey Cas. Love the shirt." Dean said pulling on it to bring Cas in for a kiss.

Cas pulled back and smiled. "Thank you. I've been going through your music archive lately and this band had a guitarist named Jimmy. I guess I was feeling a little noustalgic for Novak. I wonder if he's doing well... He must be in heaven by now. What I would give to return him to his family."

"You know it wasn't your fault. He gave you his consent. He begged for you to take him when you had his daughter."

Cas looked downwards. "I know. I can't help but feel like there had to have been another option. Jimmy deserved better."

A silence followed as Cas sat down in the sand. Dean followed suit, slowly taking off his shoes. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? Everything was okay? He wasn't going to feed Cas bullshit stories. He'd been on the receiving end of too many bullshit stories when he'd been feeling guilty to do the same to Cas. Cas sighed, the wind picked up and blew the hair out of his face. They sat in silence for a couple minutes before Cas moved closer to Dean, pulling Deans arm around himself, leaning his head against Deans neck.

"You don't need to say anything Dean."

Dean pressed his lips to the top of Cas' head, "I don't deserve you Cas."

Cas laughed sarcasticlly, "You don't deserve the fallen angel that killed hundreds of humans and angels because he couldn't find his father? Oh yeah. I'm far superior to you."

Dean wrapped his arms completely around Cas and held him tight. "Oh Cas. You have no idea."

Cas sat motionless, barely breathing. He whispered, "Dean. I don't want you to leave."

Dean let out a ragged breath, "What makes you think I'm going anywhere?"

Cas broke the embrace and got up. He ran his finger through his hair before turning back to Dean. His eyes looked slightly red. He forced a smile and lowered himself onto Dean, strattling him. "So you're here now. But soon you'll have to wake up. And I'll be alone again. I know this is how it has to be. I can't help but want more though."

Dean closed his eyes as Cas held his face in his hands. "You know I would stay if I could."

Cas leaned down and pressed his lips against Deans, catching him off guard. He lowered himself all the way to the ground. Cas quickly took his shirt off and followed Dean with a kiss. Dean closed his eyes and let Cas take over. He could tell he needed to be in control of something. He felt something wet hit his cheek as Cas pulled away, taking Deans shirt off. Dean opened his eyes to find Cas crying. Dean reached up and pulled Cas into his chest. Cas didn't fight it. He felt Cas convulse silently and just held him tighter.

"Cas. You really have no idea how much you mean to me. I'd never forget you and I'll always be here for you. Always."

They stayed in that position until Cas had calmed down. Dean felt a wave of nausea overtake him and without meaning to he let out a whimper. Cas sat up, wiping the tears from his face.

"What's wrong Dean?"

Dean didn't want to make Cas feel worse than he already was feeling, "Nothing. Just been sick for a couple days."

Cas tilted his head looking confused, "You never get sick."

Dean sighed, "There's a first time for everything."

Cas shook his head. "No. I put a protective spell on you and Sam. You shouldn't be getting sick."

Dean smiled up at Cas, "You put a protective spell on us?"

Cas blushed, "Never mind that. I need you to let me search your body."

"Like, reach inside me like you did with Sam and Bobby?"

Cas slowly nodded his head, "I'll be as gentle as I can."

Dean took a deep breath as Cas pressed his hand against Deans stomach, looking up once more for approval.

"Get your mojo on."

With that Cas' hand slowly disappeared into Deans stomach. He gasped at the pain and cried out. He felt like such a girl for letting this pain make him scream but it was the single most painful experience he'd ever been through. And then it was over as quickly as it had begun. Dean fell back onto the sand, just realising that he had arched upwards and was holding onto Cas. Dean looked up into Cas' eyes. He looked terrified.

"Cas. What is it?"

Cas stood and turned, hiding his face in his hands. "I-I don't know how this happened Dean. I am so sorry. So so sorry."

Dean was exhausted but managed to rasp, "Sorry for what Cas? You're freaking me out. Am I dying?"

Cas turned to face him. "No Dean. You are with child."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Authors Note:**_Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long for an update. GISHWHES took over my life for a week and a half :) Enjoy!

_**Full Disclousure?** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8:<strong>

Atfirst Dean just laughed. Obviously Cas was joking.

"Come on Cas. What's actually wrong with me?"

Dean waited for Cas to smile and tell him it was all a joke. But that didn't happen.

"Technically, there is nothing wrong with you. You have a new life growing inside you. It's faint but I can still feel it there. It has a heartbeat."

Dean sat up, "You're being serious?"

Cas knelt to face Dean, eye to eye. "When am I not serious?"

Dean nodded his head. "Good point. But how? I mean, I know where babies come from and I don't have the parts for that to be possible."

Cas lowered his head, "Well, um." He rubbed his neck awkwardly, "I may be able to give you," Cas motioned quotation marks with his fingers, "The Parts."

"Excuse me?" Dean asked, lowering his voice dangerously.

Cas looked up at Dean, unintentionally giving him puppy dog eyes, "Well. I am an angel. It is possible for us to impregnate a male."

Dean grabbed his shirt and stood up, "And you didn't think that that was something I should know before you jumped my bones?"

Cas stood slowly, "I don't understand..."

Dean pulled his shirt back on with more force than necessary.

"Sex, Cas. Before we had sex."

Cas pulled his shoulders up in a defensive pose.

"How was I supposed to know this would happen? I'm only in your head. I didn't know this would be possible."

"Obviously, it is. Looks like I'm out for 9 goddamn months, thanks to you and your lack of angel condoms." Dean pointed his finger angrily.

"You cannot blame this all on me, Dean. It takes two t-" Cas froze. His turned blank as if he just realised something. He cleared his throat. "You're out of it? Does this mean you're keeping the child?"

Cas' arms hung limp by his side.

Dean shrugged, "Well, yeah. It seems like the obvious choice. Why would I kill something as innocent as an unborn child? Especially one that has my own blood."

Cas sighed in relief. He stepped up to Dean and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into Deans chest.

"Dean, every time I think I know you, you do something I would never expect."

"You know me. I'm full of surprises."

Cas pulled back and rested his hand on Deans cheek, "I love you, Dean Winchester."

Before Dean could respond, Cas' lips were pressed against his. He tried to fight it, trying to remember that he was mad. But Cas didn't let him go. Dean gave up and let himself give into Cas. He felt strong hands slip under his shirt and up his back. Cas broke the kiss and jumped upwards, wrapping his legs around Deans hips. Dean barely caught him before Cas was leaning down for another kiss.

"Whoa Cas. You forget I'm pregnant already? We can't do this. And you can't be jumping on me."

Cas just smiled and peeled Deans shirt off again.

"Jumping your bones won't hurt our baby, Dean."

Dean felt the blood leave his head and rush downwards. _Our baby. _Something in the way Cas said that turned Dean on.

"Say that again, Cas."

Cas rested his forearms on Deans shoulders, "Say what again?"

"Our baby."

Cas slowly ran one of his hands down Deans arm, passing over the scar he left years ago until he lay his hand on Deans abdomen. He leaned down until their cheeks were touching. He lowered his voice and whispered seductively,

"Our baby. You're carrying my baby, Dean."

And it was over. Dean dropped to his knees as Cas pushed him onto the sand. There was no time to fumble with clothes, and they didn't need to. As soon as Deans back hit the sand, their clothes were gone. He felt that he was about to somehow emotionally damage his future son or daughter but he couldn't be bothered right now. Not when their father was there, naked and hard, lowering himself on top of Dean.

Cas slid himself against Dean, making him moan.

"I love it when you take control like this Cas."

Dean ran his hands through Cas' hair, making Cas close his eyes and sigh. Dean gripped the back of Cas' head, pulling him close for a kiss. Cas shuddered as his wings unfurled. Cas opened his eyes, looking down at Dean. Dean smiled and reached up, running his hand through his wing until he felt the oil gland.

No matter how many times he'd done this, he would never take it for granted. The way Cas felt laying on top of him. The way their bodies fit together perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle.

He stroked the oil gland until it spurted oil into Deans hand. Cas moaned and arched his until his forehead was resting on Deans shoulder. Cas opened his mouth and gently bit at Deans skin as Dean reached down and covered Cas with the oil. Cas made a quick, jolting moment and suddenly it was Dean on top.

"Geez Cas. Just let me know you want bottom." Dean said, sitting all the way up to readjust himself.

"But I don't Dean. I want you to do what you've been wanting to do." Cas said, shifting uncomfortably.

"You want me to ride you? Are you sure?"

Cas sighed and nodded, "It's the least I can do for you."

Dean lay his head on Cas' face and rubbed his thumb along his cheekbone. He kissed his forehead, then his lips, moving slowly downwards, along his neck and down his chest until he got down to his dick. He kissed the head and opened his mouth, sliding his tongue along his slit. Cas cried out and gave an involuntary jerk upwards, wiping precome on Deans chin.

Cas looked down at Dean and smiled, using his hand to clean Deans face.

"My apologies."

Dean just grinned back and kissed Cas' hand. He moved back up Cas' body until he was straddling him. He took a deep breath and with Cas' help, he opened up to Cas, letting him in inch by painful inch. He knew it would hurt but it wanted it too much to wait any longer.

Cas was buried deep inside Dean and he was out of breath. How do you even do this? The ecstasy was already starting to overwhelm him. Cas jerked upwards, banging his head backwards in impatience.

"Dean please. Fucking move. Dean, fuck!"

Dean held Cas' head steady in between his hands, "I love it when you have a dirty mouth Cas."

He let Cas go as he started to move back and forth. He felt Cas move inside him and willed himself to go faster. Cas gripped Deans hips and pulled him down rough and hard as Cas himself thrust upwards. Up and down. They got into a steady rhythm. It felt too good. Too right. Dean gasped as he felt Cas nearly pull out just to thrust all the way back in.

"Cas," he rasped out.

Cas didn't answer. Dean knew he wouldn't but he kept going.

_Up_

"Kiss me with the kisses of your mouth."

_Down_

"For your love is better than wine."

_Up_

"Let me see your face."

_Down_

"Let me hear your voice."

Cas responded for the first time with a loud moan.

_Up_

"You have ravished my heart."

Cas' fingernails dug painfully deep into Deans skin.

_Down_

"Set me as a seal upon your heart."

Dean moved Cas' hand up his arm to the scar on his bicep.

_Up_

"As a seal upon your arm." Cas managed to gasp out, dilated eyes staring into Deans.

"For love is as strong as death."

Dean thrust down one last time making Cas cry out as he released into Dean.

He felt himself smile as their heartbeats slowed. Cas pulled Dean down towards himself and whispered in his ear.

"For my beloved is mine."

Dean pressed his lips to Cas', "And I am his."

Cas wrapped his legs around Dean, folding his wings around them, "I love it when you quote scripture Dean. Now please." Cas dropped the volume of his voice, "Fuck me."

Cas already had oil on his hand when he grabbed Deans cock and guided it to his entrance.

It didn't take long after that, Cas was so fucking tight.

Dean pulled out, leaving a mess of come on the sand. Like that was a problem.

In one snap he and Cas were clean and dressed. Cas was starting to fold his wings in.

"Wait." Dean lay his hand on Cas' wing. "Please. I like it when you have your wings out."

Cas grinned and wrapped his wing around Dean. They sat and watched the endless sunset for a few minutes tangled in Cas' wings before Dean spoke.

"So... I have lady parts now?"

Cas cleared his throat, "Only on the inside. At least until the birth."

Dean cringed, "Let's not talk about that now."

Cas sighed, "I need to tell you more about your condition. You're not the first one that this has happened to."

"Really? Good. At least I'll know what's coming." Dean sank deeper into Castiels wings.

"That's what I must tell you about. It doesn't take 9 months, Dean. It takes 3. And you won't show any sign of your pregnancy."

Dean sighed, "What do you mean?"

"Your appearance will stay the same. You also shouldn't feel a hormonal change."

"But what about the morning sickness?"

Cas shook his head, "That's the only thing that bleeds through. The angels left that so they would know if their seed took to the body."

"Really? Wow. When I thought I had heard it all."

"Why do you believe God did not encourage homosexuality? Too many Nephilium were populating the earth."

"What about women?" Dean asked.

"It is much harder for an angel to impregnate a woman." Cas held up his hand, "Don't ask me why."

"Okay. But that still doesn't explain, how am I pregnant?" Dean was on his knees now, face to face with Cas. Cas smiled.

"It's no secret that you desire a family of your own Dean."

"But I thought it needed a shared grace."

Cas grabbed Deans arms and pulled him close, Dean turned, laying himself against Cas.

"Dean. It does share our grace. It was created from us. It is apart of us."

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and rested his hands on Deans stomach. Dean sighed and placed his hands on top of Cas'.

"Three months huh?"

He felt Cas nod his head.

"How am I supposed to to it without you Cas?"

Cas forced a painful smile.

"It won't be hard. Life doesn't have to change. And I'll be right here when you need me."

Dean felt a tear escape his eye. He didn't know if it was from happiness of the pain of having to leave Cas yet again.

"I'll find a way Cas. I'll bring you back."

Cas sighed, "I'm sure you'll try your hardest. But you need to return to Sam now. You need to tell him about what is going on."

Dean nodded, "You know I want to stay."

Cas' wings tightened around them.

"Don't worry about me. I'll see you soon enough."

With that, Cas pressed his fingertips to Deans forehead and everything went black.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:<strong>_Sorry if you've gotten a bunch of emails alerting you to this chapter. I keep noticing errors in my writing and fixing them. I'll stop now :P


	9. Chapter 9

_**Authors** **Note:**_ First of all, I am really sorry it has taken me forever to put up another chapter. I've been without a computer for a long time *frowny face* But I'll be updating more often, I promise!

_**Full Disclosure? ** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 9:<strong>_

Dean struggled to open his eyes. He was more exhausted now than when he went to sleep the night before. It was pitch black in the hotel room, save for the red glow of the clock. He glanced at it, rubbing his eyes.

_4:12_

Obviously a.m. He untangled himself from the sheets and sat up on the bed. He realized he was still in his suit. He quickly changed into a pair of jeans and his favorite old t-shirt. He needed to clear his head. He threw on a hoodie and grabbed his keys, leaving a sleeping Sam behind. He didn't know where he was going, just that he needed to go somewhere. Everything made sense behind the wheel of his baby. Well, it used too. Now nothing made sense. He still didn't know if he really believed Cas. Until the lurch in his stomach made him pull over. It hit him like a train. This was happening, and he only had 3 months. 3 months until he was tied down for good. There was no question in that. He'd give up hunting for this kid. As much as he admired his father, he wouldn't put his child through what his dad had put him through. Not a chance in hell. If Cas were here, it might be different. But Cas wasn't here. He needed to fix that. But, how could he do that? 3 months use to seem like a decent amount of time. Now it felt like he had no time left at all. He wiped his mouth of the bile that hung on his lips. He stood slowly and got back into the Impala. He glanced down at the clock.

_5:42_

Dammit. Where had the time gone? Sammy would be up soon. If he wasn't already up. Shit. He still needed to tell Sam. And Bobby. Well, he didn't _need_ to tell them. He could just leave now and deal with it. But it only took him two seconds of imagining to rule out showing up with a baby to Sam and Bobby. He'd never hear the end of it. He sighed and turned the Impala back towards the motel. The sun was rising when he pulled into the parking lot. He paused before turning off the motor and walking up to their room. How the hell do you drop this kind of bomb? Sam opened the door before Dean even got the key out of his pocket. His mouth was open, talking into a phone.

"He's back, Bobby. Sorry to worry you."

Sam pulled Dean into the motel and closed the door behind him. "What the hell, Dean? Don't do that."

Dean pasted on a sheepish grin, "Aw, how sweet. Baby brother was worrying about me."

Sam gave Dean his bitchface, "Shut up. What did you find out from Cas?"

"Don't those two sentences contradict each other?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Dean. Come on man."

Dean took a deep breath, "Well, good news is that I'm not dying."

He paused and Sam looked at him, relieved and irritated all at the same time.

"And?" he urges on.

"And, Cas said the nausea is just... morning sickness."

Sam's face froze and then he started laughing, "Come on Dean. I'm not stupid."

"Then you should know what causes morning sickness, bitch."

Dean crossed the room to sit on the bed. Sam's eyes never leaving him, "So what you're saying is, Cas knocked you up?"

Dean nodded, "That's what he said."

Dean waited for a rebuke, or more disbelief, but to his astonishment, Sam started laughing again.

"I'm sorry. I know this is a serious situation but I can't help but notice. You bottomed?"

Dean felt the blood rush to his face as Sam sat down next to him. Dean cleared his throat and punched Sam's shoulder.

"Don't knock it till you try it, Sammy."

Sam rubbed his shoulder, "That's an image I'll never get out of my head."

"Good." Dean stood and walked into the bathroom.

"So this is real?" Sam called out after him.

Dean sighed as he looked up in the mirror and turned the water on.

"It's real."

Sam waited for Dean to reappear, "So what now?"

Dean started gathering clothes and books, shoving them in a duffle bag, "I stay the same, physically. But, in three months, we'll have a new little Winchester."

Sam joined Dean in packing the room, "Just three months?"

"That's what Cas said."

"Huh. So, what do you want to do?"

Dean tossed the full duffle towards the door and sighed, "I say we call someone in to finish this hunt and we head to Montana. Bobby'll know what to do."

It wasn't hard to find someone to take the job; it felt like there were more and more hunters every day. It was a full day's drive to Bobby's. Sam could tell how Dean could hardly keep his eyes open. Being with Cas all night didn't give him any rest. Sam got behind the wheel and insisted Dean rest. Of course Dean protested.

"I just woke up."

Sam smirked, "Yeah. Woke up from what, Dean?"

Dean nodded, "Good point."

Dean relaxed into the passenger's seat and not even five minutes later, Sam glanced over to find him breathing deeply, right hand clutching protectively at his stomach. Sam felt his throat hitch. This was real. Dean was getting what he wanted, a family. In the most inconvenient way possible.

When they finally got to Montana, Bobby took the news in stride. He didn't seem to be surprised by the weirdness of Dean's situation.

"Well, stranger things have happened. I know a midwife; a lot of hunters I know have used her. She knows all about the supernatural. I'll give her a call."

Bobby sighed and walked out of the room. Dean could swear he heard the word "Idjits" as he left.

A couple of weeks later, the day to meet the midwife had come. Dean was nervous. He had all the info he needed from Cas. They went over it everytime they saw each other.

* * *

><p>"So it'll be like a regular birth?" Dean asked Cas again.<p>

Cas nodded, "Yes."

Dean shifted, "Tell me how it works again."

"A short time before the birth, your body will change. Your-" Cas lifted his fingers into air quotes "-downstairs area-" Cas lowered his fingers to intertwine with Deans "-will make itself ready for a natural birth."

"Will it hurt?"

Cas squeezed his hand, "No. At least that's what I've been told. The birth will, of course, be painful. I'm sorry that I'll miss it."

Dean pulled Cas in against his chest, "I'll make sure you're there."

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, "I know you'll try."

* * *

><p>An older ford truck rolled down the driveway. As it came to a stop, Dean saw Bobby walk out the door.<p>

"Kim! It's so good to see you again!" Bobby greeted the taller blond getting out of the pick-up. She looked way too young.

"Bobby!" She exclaimed, pulled him in for a hug, "It's been too long. How's life treating you?"

She pulled a bag off the seat.

"Same old, same old. Something's trying to end the world again."

"Well, I'd love to hear all about it. After I see Dean?"

Bobby invited her inside.

"You okay, Dean?"

Dean jumped at Sam's voice, "Far from it. I just want to get it over with."

Sam smirked, "I never thought I'd see the day you'd dread getting felt up by an attractive woman."

Dean smiled, "She's more your type anyways."

Sam bitchfaced him.

"So you can give it but you can't take it? You need to get laid, man."

Sam rolled his eyes and gestured to the living room, "Come on."

Suddenly Dean froze. He couldn't breathe. He felt his mouth go dry as he tried to swallow. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but nothing came out. Sam laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I know. It'll be fine. Come on."

Dean just nodded as he felt oxygen return to his lungs. He took another deep breath as he let Sam lead him towards the living room. He heard Kim laugh as Bobby retold how he taught Sam to load salt rounds. Dean smiled at the memory of Sam covered in salt. Sam gripped his shoulder tighter before letting it go to enter the living room.

"Haha, so funny. Did you mention that I was only seven?"

He heard Sam say as he crossed the living room to grab a beer from the fridge. Kim glanced over at him, still smiling.

"That's what makes it so cute, and a little hilarious."

Dean stepped into the living room and fidgeted. He felt too uncomfortable to sit. He nodded at Bobby.

"Dean, this is Kim." Bobby gestured to the blond. She turned her head and stood.

"Kim, Dean."

She offered her hand, "Hey, Dean."

Dean took her hand and started to relax, just a little. Something about her put him at ease.

"Hi."

They sat back down, Sam joining them from the kitchen. Kim accepted the beer he offered, smiling apologetically at Dean.

"No point in beating around the bush. Bobby told me all about your situation. I feel kind of honored that you're thinking about letting me help you out. So, whatever you want to know about me, ask away." Kim settled back into the couch.

Dean didn't hesitate, "How old are you?"

Sam shot a look at him, "Dean!"

Dean shot back at Sam, "What? I'm just saying you look kind of young."

Kim laughed, "It's okay. I get that a lot. And I get where you're coming from. I'm 24. But, like you, I've been in this business since before I can remember. I started as a hunter but my dad wanted me out so, I don't know. It seemed like midwifery would be a good trade. And I can still help hunters."

Dean nodded, "Okay. So what do we do next?"

Kim took a swig of her beer, "No more questions?"

Dean shrugged, "Bobby trusts you. That's enough for me."

She stood, putting her beer on the coffee table, "Well, we could try to find the heartbeat."

She pulled a small handheld machine and a bottle of lube out of her bag. Dean felt his heart flutter.

"How do you do that?"

She held up the machine, it had something that looked similar to a microphone attached to it with a cord.

"This is a Doppler microphone. I just lube it up and put it on your stomach. When did you find out you were pregnant?"

Dean flinched, that word sounded wrong when applied to him. "A little over a month ago. But it only lasts three months."

Kim nodded, "Right. So it's safe to say everything about this is accelerated. You can usually hear the heartbeat at around 14 weeks. So it's a tossup, you being at what would be about 12 weeks. We might not be able to hear it yet."

Dean sighed, "Might as well try, right?"

Kim smiled, "Why not! It's always my favorite part anyways. It's easier if you're on a bed."

Dean took the hint and stood, "Then, by all means, to a bed."

Sam and Bobby looked at Dean, silent question in their eyes.

Dean rolled his eyes, "You can come too."

He walked towards his bedroom as they followed him. The room wasn't that big, but it was a comfortable fit.

"Alright, if you could just take your shirt off and lay down."

He heard a tiny, girlish gasp that could only be Kim, as he took his shirt off. He turned and laid on the bed, slightly wishing Sam would wipe that grin off his face. Kim put on a pair of gloves and opened the lube, squirting some on his stomach. She turned the Doppler on and she adjusted the knob until the static quieted. She rubbed some of the lube on the tip on the Doppler and placed it on Dean's stomach. He twitched at the cold plastic. Kim lifted the Doppler.

"Sorry, it'll be a little cold."

Dean chuckled, "Thanks for the warning."

Kim placed one hand to the side of Dean's abs and Dean noticed her shiver at the touch.

She turned red, "Sorry. Most of my patients don't have sculpted abs. And it's a bit hard to get laid with my job."

Dean felt the laugh in the back of his throat.

"I can only imagine. I would offer myself but I'm kind of taken."

Kim smiled, "See what I mean? You're too short for me anyways."

Dean looked over at Sam as Kim focused on the machine. He grinned and nodded, only to be met with another of Sam's bitchfaces. Yeah. Sam needed to get laid.

Kim started moving the microphone back and forth very slowly. For a few minutes all they heard was static. She started pressing it harder in a few places. Always moving it in circles and keeping it lubed.

"Well," Dean started, "It was worth a-"

He stopped at a sound, a faint thumping. Kim froze and pressed gently. The thumping grew louder. She smiled.

"Is that?" Dean whispered quietly.

Kim nodded. It was all real. He knew it was real before, but this, it felt like it could finally sink in. And all he could do was smile.

He looked up at Sam and Bobby, "It's real."

They both smiled at him.

"Of course it is, ya idjit."

The rest of the visit seemed mundane compared to that moment. They said goodbye to Kim, exchanging numbers and setting a date for the next month. It took everything in him to fall asleep but the thought of sharing all this with Cas helped him drift blissfully into the dream.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Authors Note:**_ Hello! Thank you all for being so very patient. I have my own computer now and I'll be finishing up this story very soon :) Also, thank you all for the amazing reviews! And don't worry, everything will be answered in due time.

_**Full Disclosure? **_I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 10:<strong>_

Dean woke on a couch, cradled gently in Castiel's arms. The television was on but Dean couldn't hear anything.

"How do I always end up as the little spoon?"

He looked up, catching Cas' smirk, "Do you really want to get into who's bigger argument?"

Dean smiled, resting his head back on Cas' chest, "You barely beat me, big boy."

Dean could feel the silent laughter coming from Cas.

"You're the one that told me every millimeter counts."

"And I regret that now. But seriously, do you just drag me around up here?"

Dean felt Cas' fingers brushing through his short hair, "It's comforting to have you in the same room. You're my security blanket, sometimes literally. Like now."

Dean felt his heart skip a beat. He sat up, not wanting to stop being a security blanket but needing to see Cas' face. He smiled at those beautiful blue eyes and wondered when he became such an old sap.

"As long as you don't make me dance while I'm out."

Cas turned his head in a questioning look. Dean nearly smiled at the look Cas always had when he didn't get one of Dean's many references.

"Weekend At Bernies?"

Cas shook his head ever so slightly.

"Never mind. We had a -um. A visitor today."

Cas slid closer, closing the gap that Dean had created by sitting up. "The midwife?"

Dean nodded. "Her name's Kim."

Cas rested his hands on Dean's leg, "What happened?"

Dean placed his hand on Cas', intertwining their fingers. Cas' eyes wandered down to gaze on their fingers. He started brushing his thumb on Dean's hand in a reassuring way. Deep breath.

"A lot I didn't understand. But she used this microphone machine and we, uh. We heard it's heartbeat."

Cas' eyes snapped up, locking with Dean's. His hand instinctively going to Dean's stomach, "I'm so glad you've finally heard it. It has such a beautiful rhythm, doesn't it?"

Dean felt his eyebrows lift in a way they only did when he was surprised.

"So glad _I_ finally heard it? Have you been hearing it's heartbeat this whole time?"

Cas' eyes drifted down to Dean's stomach, he nodded absent mindedly, a grin appearing on his face, "Only recently. But it's been growing stronger."

Dean swung his arms up, forcing Cas' hands off his stomach.

"Well, why didn't you tell me?"

Cas stared into his eyes innocently, trying to return his hands to Dean's stomach and failing. "The occasion never came up?"

Dean crossed his arms, "We talk about our baby every time we're together. There was plenty of occasion."

Cas gave up and folded his hands, resting them in his lap, "I should have told you."

More a statement than a question but Dean still got the idea that Cas didn't find himself in the wrong.

"It would have been nice."

Cas stared at him for almost a full minute, lips held together tightly. Dean recognized that look. He was trying to think of something to rectify the situation.

Then he stood.

Dean thought he was just going to walk away for a second before he turned and put his knee on the couch next to Dean. Then he lifted the other and placed it on the other side of Dean, trapping him to the couch. Dean grabbed his thighs out of instinct to keep him steady as Cas rested one hand on Dean's shoulder and rubbed the other from the crown of Dean's head to the base of his neck. He inhaled the sweet scent of Cas' breath as Cas exhaled and continued to lower down until he was kissing gently at Dean's ear.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean closed his eyes and nearly groaned as Cas started nipping along his jaw, the hand that was sitting idly on his shoulder now grasping Dean's side. He was supposed to be upset. He should be pushing Cas away. But all his blood was rushing downwards. So instead he pulled Cas closer, grinding up against him. He felt Cas' mouth open wide against his jaw at the friction he created.

This is where he knew he should say something. Something like, "_How am I supposed to stay mad at you?_" or "_It's okay, Cas._" but he just wanted this. Just this. Simple this. They've always said that actions speak louder than words, right?

He felt Cas pull back and he opened his eyes to be met with the deep blue of Castiel's. He gave a small forgiving grin, lifting his hand to graze his thumb across his cheekbone. He pulled against the back of Cas' neck until their lips finally touched. He didn't push for anymore than lips on lips and it felt that Cas was reading his mind. They've needed just this for a long time. They've been so desperate for each other for so long that they sometimes forgot how to take it slow. But not too slow. Dean thrust his hips upwards again, eating the small groan that came from Cas' lips. He feels Cas' hands tease underneath his shirt and they broke the kiss long enough for Cas to remove Dean's shirt. Cas paused for a moments, eyes drifting up and down Dean as if he were trying to memorize how Dean looked pinned under him. And then he was kissing Dean again and again. Some were soft and slow, some needy and desperate. Dean worked at Cas' shirt, barely pulling it off before Cas kissed him again, grinding and creating friction this time.

Dean groaned a little too loudly and he felt Cas' mouth go up in a grin against where it was connected with his neck. Then he started sucking. Dean knew it was going to leave a mark, but to hell with it. He hasn't been marked since this whole thing started and he'd never say it, but it felt reassuring to have some part of Cas with him when he woke up without _him_.

He felt Cas' hands start to work up his back until they gripped his shoulder. With a slight push and pull he lowered Dean onto the couch, lips parting from his skin for far too long. But breathing. That was good. And necessary. He forgot how to breathe when Cas' lips were eating up his skin. Dean apparently had the same effect on Cas, whose breathing was a bit heavier than it was only minutes ago.

He ran his hands up Cas' abdomen, running a light touch over his nipples. Cas' head dropped forwards, eyes closed as Dean's hands circled around brushing down Cas' back. Down until they got to his hips. He slid his fingers into the unoccupied belt loops and held tight as he thrust upwards, getting the desired, glorious friction. Cas' head flew backwards, groaning Dean's name quietly. He heard Cas take a deep breath before tipping his head downwards until their eyes locked. The blue was almost non-existent now, eyes blown black with desire. Dean loved what he could do to him in a space of mere minutes. Or had it been longer than that? He wouldn't pretend to know anymore. He knew he wouldn't last much longer like this though. He released his fingers and started to work on Cas' zipper. And that damn button. Why did Cas have to wear clothes when he was up here anyways? Dean needed to bring that up-Cas pushed himself up against Dean's hand- later. He would bring that up much later.

He barely noticed that Cas had been working on his own pair of jeans until Cas' hand cupped his dick through the open zipper. And damn, he had no idea how that didn't send him over the edge. He tried to turn the tables by pushing at Cas' jeans, struggling to get him out of them. He got to mid thigh before Cas got the memo and started making little moments, working them down until it just happened. A little too much movement and Cas was falling. Dean had never been so grateful for his quick reflexes as his hand find the back of Castiel's head as he rolls off of Dean and onto the floor. Dean follows milliseconds later, hand cradling his neck, body pressed down on top of Cas' nearly naked form. He was about to ask if he was okay when he's pulled down for a chaste kiss. Dean realizes that was planned. That ass.

"If you wanted me to fuck you, you could've just asked."

Cas shrugs his shoulder and shifts awkwardly, getting his jeans completely off. But instead of throwing them across the room like Dean expects he pull a small tube out of the pocket. Lube. Finally Dean felt in his territory. He took it silently from Cas, removing the lid slowly. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean's hips and that's when he realizes he should really get naked. A minute of struggling later and there they are, completely skin to skin. The dicks pressed and trapped between their stomachs are ignored for now because they're kissing again. Dean never thought he'd be the kind of guy to ignore the sex for a kiss, but then again, he'd never thought he'd be with Cas. And it just fits. Cas tightens his legs around Dean, shifting upwards, mixing the pre-come across their abdomens and Dean remembers the open tube in his hand. He spreads the contents on his fingers and lifts Cas' leg for better access. He presses softly against his entrance and watches as he throws his head backwards, thrusting upwards against Dean's finger. He pushes further in, fighting the tight heat, pressing knuckles deep. He adds another finger and waits for Cas' moan to continue before pushing in deeper to finally find the cluster of veins he was looking for. He brushes gently before moving his fingers apart, spreading them, prepping Cas for what was coming next. He felt Cas' fingernails grip his shoulder tightly, digging into his skin.

"Dean. Deandeandean."

Cas stuttered and moaned, trying to release Dean's shoulder, making a move to stroke his dick. Dean slipped his fingers out of Cas with a slick 'pop', stopping Cas' hand.

"Please, Cas."

Cas lifted his head to lock eyes with Dean. Dean wanted to be able to take care of Cas completely tonight. Cas takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and nodding. Dean takes barely any time prepping himself, knowing that if he's one tight stroke away from coming. He lines himself up and starts easing in slowly.

Cas takes a deep pained gasp that Dean's grown accustomed to, he pauses to let Cas adjust. He needs to move, needs the friction. Every instinct is telling him to move. But he doesn't. He feels Cas trembling. The leg on his shoulder starts to slip. Dean raises his hand to cup at his heel, holding Cas open and waiting for the blessed okay. He lets out a groan when Cas finally gives a small thrust onto him. He gives another push into Cas, burying himself deep inside. He pauses for only a second before he begins to pump. Slowly and gentler than anything they've done before. Cas opens his eyes and lifts a hand to Dean's face, wiping away the gleam of perspiration. Dean thrusts forwards enough to lean down and give Cas a small kiss on the corner of his mouth before pulling out almost completely and thrusting back in, angling himself to hit that sweet spot. Cas gives a whimper, trying to push upwards for more friction for his ignored cock. Dean grins and wraps his hand around Cas and starts stroking in time with the thrusts that are becoming faster and harder. Hitting that sweet spot nearly every time. He starts giving little twists at the end of his pumps. He knows it'll send shivers up Cas' spine. He hears a moan and Cas starts flailing a little, grasping for something, anything. He manages to find Dean's hips and starts pulling him in harder. And his grip, it's a little too tight for Dean's comfort. But he doesn't mind. He really doesn't. He knows exactly how Cas feels. He gives one last twist before Cas gives a high yelp and a moan as he comes in white spurts across his own chest. The grip on his hips weaken and with one final thrust, he buries himself deep into Cas, filling him completely. He takes a deep breath, pulling his soft, spent member out. He lies next to Cas as they both wait for their heartbeats to slow to normal. Dean finds his hands resting on his stomach when he comes down. And then. Did he just imagine that? A hard little movement.

"Ow."

Cas raised himself onto his elbow, looking down at Dean, concerned look on his face.

"What's wrong?"

Dean presses his hand firmly on his stomach. Maybe it was just indigestion or something like that. But there it was again. A firm little, kick? Dean sat up a little too fast.

"Cas. Cas, I think it's moving." He grabbed Cas' hand and placed it on his stomach. The movement stilled at the sudden outside movement.

"Dean."

Dean sighed, "Give it a second. It-"

And there it was. It gave a kick against Cas' hand. His eyes grew wide as he looked up at Dean. Awe filled his voice.

"Dean. That's ours. I can really feel it."

Dean gave a happy laugh.

"Just imagine how I feel."

Cas reluctantly removed his hand as Dean stood and walked to the bathroom to wash up. Even if it was a dream, it was nice to feel clean.

"Dean," Cas followed him as he stepped into the shower, "Would you consider staying with me?"

Dean let the hot water wash away the smell of come and sweat.

"Stay with you?"

"Yes," He could almost _hear _Cas nod his head, "Would you go to sleep here, with me, and wake up here, with me?"

Dean paused. He turned off the water, stepping out of the shower and taking the towel that a clean and clothed Cas offered him.

"I can do that?"

Cas nodded, "It's not a problem. You'd get your needed rest. But you won't wake in the real world for the same amount of time that you're here."

Dean leaned down, giving Cas a kiss on the neck, "If I had known I could do that, I would've been doing it a lot more often. I would love to stay with you, Cas."

Cas looked up and smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Authors note:**_ Here you go. I'm trying to get it all out of my head before Cas comes back on the show so any similarities (if any) will not be my fault. Also, I know this chapter is shorter and I had a hard time writing from a different perspective. Blah. If anyone sees errors (my brain is not working smoothly this weekend) and wants to beta just message me :)

_**Full Disclosure? **_ I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p>Bobby was still sitting at the kitchen table when Sam stumbled out of his room the next morning. The visit with the midwife had gone amazingly well. It didn't hurt that Kim was gorgeous. And funny. And smart. Sam pushed it out of his mind. He needed to be there for his brother right now and the last thing he needed was a complication. But, come on. Would Kim really be a complication? No. Sam shook his head, willing himself to stop thinking about it, which would prove harder than he thought it would be.<p>

"Morning." He half mumbled to Bobby, reaching into the fridge for the milk.

"Almost afternoon, sleepy head."

Sam glanced at the clock, _10:57_. He scoffed.

"Come on, old man. It's not even eleven."

Bobby looked up from his papers, "Oh. Well, it's later than you've slept in awhile. Dean too."

Sam rubbed his eyes, giving up a late yawn.

"Well, he's probably just talking to Cas about yesterday."

He poured himself a glass and returned the milk to the fridge.

"It'd still be a good idea for him to get up. We still have work to do, even more now with a baby on the way."

Sam smiled. "It's too weird, isn't it?"

Bobby scoffed, "Weird is an understatement. Just go get your brother up, ya idjit."

Taking a sip of milk, he walked back to Dean's room. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep, but it couldn't last forever. He shook Dean's shoulder.

"Dean, come on man. It's time to get up."

No response. He shook harder.

"Dean. I swear to god, if you're messing with me…"

Still no response. Sam started to panic. He wrapped his fingers around the pulsing vein on Dean's wrist. Of course he's alive. Why wouldn't he be?

"Dean. Dean!"

He was shouting now, trying to wake him. Bobby appeared in the doorway.

"What's wrong?"

Sam glanced up to a concerned Bobby.

"He won't wake up."

_Come on, Dean. You can't do this to me again. Especially when you have more then yourself to take care of._

Bobby sighed and said one word that barely calmed Sam, "Cas."

Sam nodded, "Most likely. But, what about the kid?"

Bobby shrugged, "How am I supposed to know? I've never had a kid before. There has to be some way to wake him up."

Sam shook his head, "I tried everything when this first happened. Then I brought him to you and you tried everything too. Remember?"

Sam heard Bobby sigh as he returned his attention to Dean. Something caught his eye, a red mark high on Dean's neck.

"You son of a bitch."

Sam heard Bobby move closer, "What?"

Sam turned Dean's head to revel the bright red mark. "He's definitely with Cas. Who knows what he's thinking. Or if he's even thinking at all. There's no knowing how long he'll be out."

Sam pursed his lips.

"What about the kid?"

Sam looked up at Bobby, "I just asked you that question. I don't know either."

He paused. Epiphany striking him, "But we just met with someone who does."

He brushed past Bobby and back to the kitchen. He picked up his cell phone off the counter. He scrolled down until he found her name. He held his finger over the call button hesitantly before giving it a firm press. It only took two rings before she picked up.

"_Hello?"_

Sam sighed, "Kim."

"_Sam? Didn't recognize the number. I should really start programming numbers into my phone right away. What's up?"_

Sam took a deep breathe, "We might have a problem."

There was a silent pause from her end.

"_Problem? Sam, what happened to Dean?"_

"He won't wake up. But that's not really the problem. Sort of."

"_Well, it could be a problem."_

"Exactly. I was curious, how would we take care of the baby if Dean stays out?"

Sam could hear her sigh into the phone, _"It's okay, Sam. It's not life threatening if he's only out for a day. But if it continues he could malnourish his child. Do you have an I.V.?"_

Sam looked around, finding Bobby standing behind him, "Bobby, do we have an I.V.?"

He nodded, "Of course."

"We have an I.V."

"_Good. It'd be a good idea to just hook him up to some fluids while he's out."_

"Should I be hooking Dean up to an I.V.?" Bobby asked Sam, already moving out of the room.

"Yeah, just to keep him hydrated for now." Sam called out after him. He then returned his attention to the amazing woman on the other end of the phone.

"Thank you. Anything else I should've thought of?"

"_Um, breathe? It'll be okay. Dean is a trooper and I'm positive that baby is stronger than normal. Finding the heartbeat that strong early doesn't happen often."_

"Cas must know something we don't. He'd never keep Dean asleep if he thought it'd hurt him."

"_From what you've told me, Cas is a generally good guy. Angel. Whatever. Sorry I never met him."_

Sam felt coldness prickle at his eyes, "I really wish you could've." He paused, silence filling the line. What else was he supposed to say?

"_I should probably be going. I don't know if it's legal to talk and drive at the same time."_

"Right. You have places to be. I'll call you when he wakes up. Or when I need help. Whatever comes first."

"_Okay__…"_

Sam heard her stretch out the word and wondered if she really wanted to go.

"Kim."

"_Yes?" _She replied a little too quickly.

"Thank you. Again." He heard a sigh.

"_Anytime, Sam."_

"Do you mean that?"

Sam heard a small laugh, _"Of course I do. Just remember I need my beauty sleep."_

"I'll try. Talk to you later."

"_Bye Sam."_

The soft click ending the call made Sam smile. His brother was going to be fine. Maybe. And Kim was there for Sam. It felt good. The sound of a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts.

"You know, for as much as I flirt, I've always just wondered what the world would be like if you could skip the preliminaries and go straight for want you want."

Sam spun to find someone he thought was dead standing in his kitchen. How on earth?

"Gabriel. I thought you were dead."

Gabriel pushed himself off the wall and sauntered over to Sam.

"So did I."

That's when Sam's common sense returned. He spun and grabbed the knife closest to him. Gabriel held up his hands and smiled.

"Take it easy tiger."

Sam held the knife up defensively. "How do I know it's really you?"

Gabriel started laughing. There was one sign it was really him.

"Well, for starters, that cute little silver knife you have won't work on me."

Sam almost lowered it, "But this knife won't work on a lot of monsters."

He raised his hand to his chest as if he was in pain, "Ouch, Sammy. You calling me a monster. That hurts. Why don't you just do your thing and get it over with."

He held out his arm and Sam hesitantly drew it across his skin. Nothing.

"So, it's really you. How're you here?"

Gabriel shrugged, "I try not to question when good things happen to me. I figure if God can bring back Cas, why not me too?"

Sam swallowed a little too loudly for comfort and looked at the floor.

Gabriel caught on, "Did something happen?"

"Cas is, uh. He's not here anymore."

The smile slid from Gabriel's face, "You mean he-"

"For good this time." Sam cut him off before he could say it. "It doesn't mean he's gone though."

Gabriel shot him a questioning look but Bobby choose that moment to walk back into the room.

"Dean's all hooked up an-" He stopped, caught off guard by the angel.

"Bobby. This is Gabriel."

Sam caught Bobby's gaze looking at the knife in Sam's hand. He tossed it onto the counter. Gabriel extended his hand in a way that felt too formal to Sam.

"Bobby."

Bobby returned the gesture, grasping at Gabriel's hand awkwardly, "Gabriel. I've heard loads about you."

Sam watched a forced grin appear on Gabriel's face, "All good things, right?"

Bobby released his hand, "More towards the end."

Gabriel's hands returned to his pockets, he looked like he wanted to run. Had he really been that close to Cas? As far as Sam knew, last that time they'd seen each other, Cas had come away fairly beaten up.

"Hope you all enjoyed the video I left you."

Sam gave a visible gag, maybe a little more exaggerated then he needed to but it got his point across and Sam looked up from the floor to see Gabriel really smile.

"So what's Dean all hooked up with?"

"Uh-" Was all Sam got out before Bobby spoke up.

"Sam, I need to talk to you please. In the other room."

Sam turned back to Gabriel, "Look, just stay here for a second. Please."

Gabriel shrugged and backed up, leaning against the wall.

Sam rolled his eyes and followed Bobby into the library. Well, the room with all the boxes of the books Bobby had copied. Bobby closed the door.

"Are you an idjit? The last thing we need is another angel!"

Sam scoffed, "You think I asked him over? I didn't even know he was alive before he showed up. And maybe he's exactly what we need. He should know all about what's happening with Dean. Hell, maybe he can help us find Cas."

"You really think there's a way Cas could come back? Sam. I don't think he's coming back this time."

Bobby crossed over and picked up a random stack of papers.

Sam sighed, "You're probably right. All this stuff going on with Dean has my head all turned around."

Bobby looked back up at him. "Same here. We should just take this day to freak out a little. While Dean's out. Hopefully tomorrow he'll be back with us."

"If not, we have Gabriel now. He'll be able to help us."

Bobby shuffled the paper before setting it back on the box. "Right. How do we tell Gabriel though?"

"I really don't know. Let's just get back out there before he thinks lighting a fire in the living room would be funny."

Sam turns the cold metal to open the door. He walked back out to the kitchen but Gabriel was gone.

"Goddamnit!" He started walking back to the library when he noticed Gabriel was standing at the foot of Dean's bed. He was staring at Dean, his back towards Sam and the door.

"So, this is what you meant by Cas not being gone."

The statement caught Sam off guard as he entered the room. Gabriel looked up at Sam and gestured back down across Dean's body.

"I can see his grace. And I know it's not the grace he used to patch up this sorry son of a bitch. He's in Dean's head, isn't he?"

Sam nodded, solemnly.

"How long has Dean been out?"

"Just today. We couldn't wake him up. It's been going on for a couple months though."

Gabriel's face screwed up in confusion, "So why is he hooked up to an I.V.?"

Sam cleared his throat. "Um, Cas may have knocked him up."

Gabriel's face dropped. Sam saw several different emotions flash across his features in mere seconds. The initial Shock, happiness, and finally settling on curiosity.

"How?"

Sam tried to explain the best that he could, "Cas said it was a combination of their shared graced and it being one of Dean's strongest desires. That's the short version."

Gabriel nodded, "So. You want Cas back?"

Sam sighed, "That's a given."

Gabriel brought his hands together in a loud clap, making Sam jump, "Well, I'll see what I can do."

And with an all too familiar flutter, Gabriel disappeared.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Authors Note:**_ Soooo This chapter is different. I had a lot of things I wanted to go over and my brain is playing A.D.D. on me and it's hard to write it all down. Here is a bunch of sniplets of good information and stuff. Also, I just figured out that I can reply to reviews (don't judge me) so I can shower reviewers with love now!

_**Full Disclosure? **_I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12:<strong>

It had almost felt weird at first, going to sleep and not waking up to Sam and Bobby. But Dean barely registered that once he remembered who he was tangled in the sheets with. And he had never felt more at peace than right now. The rising sun peaked through the windows as Dean and Cas fit themselves together. Like two pieces of a perfect puzzle. But as their breathing slowed, Dean's head cleared. He realized that if he hadn't woken up to Sam and Bobby he must've slept through a whole day _out there._ He didn't want to call it real life. This dream state was as much of a reality as it was when he was with Sam and Bobby. It made him wonder. He rolled over, pressing his bare chest to Castiel's and bringing his arms to rest under his chin. Cas' eyes were unfocused but his hand started rubbing up and down Dean's arm.

"Cas?" Dean brought him back to reality. Cas' eyes met his, brightening as they did.

"Dean."

Dean smiled unconsciously. He did every time Cas said his name. What happened to him?

"I was just thinking, if I slept through the day in Montana, how is our kid getting food? I can handle going a day without food. Hell, I've done more than a day before. I'm not used to taking care of me and now I'm supposed to be taking care of someone else. What if I just messed it up by not eating? Why didn't I think of th-"

He was cut off by Cas' finger against his mouth, his chest vibrating with silent laughter.

"Dean. Do you really think I'd ask you to stay if I knew it would hurt our child?"

Dean didn't even hesitate with his answer.

"Of course not."

He took one of his hands and slid it down Cas' side finally resting it on his hip, his thumb rubbing over the bone there that stretched the skin taunt.

"Dean. I would never do or ask you to do anything that would put you or our child in harms way. Trust me."

Dean felt the burn start in his neck but kept his head up, eyes always locked on Cas.

"You know I trust you. I just have questions."

Cas nodded and rolled Dean over, curling into his arms. Dean tightened his grip when he felt Cas' breathing quicken. Slowly Cas calmed and Dean had to wonder what made him so upset.

"Cas?"

Without responding, Cas sat up and turned to Dean. He looked content but there was something that blazed behind his eyes, "Dean. Please. Let me explain everything before you accuse me further."

With that, Dean found it hard to swallow. Cas thought he was accusing him of hurting them. Before Dean could correct him and soothe him, Cas continued.

"Our child is quite obviously, not entirely human. It needs the nutrition that you give it by eating but it needs more than that. That's another reason I asked you to stay with me. If you were asleep for it, it wouldn't give you any pain. You see, it needs to feed off your grace. Under normal circumstances, an angel would provide the grace himself. That's obviously not an option."

Dean stopped him.

"So, you knocked me out so you could give junior his nutrition?"

Cas gave an apologetic shrug. "In a way. I knew it was going to happen eventually but didn't know if it would hurt you if you were awake out there."

Dean sat up, using his arms to prop him up enough to level himself with Cas.

"You could've just told me. We really need to work on this communication problem."

Cas sighed, "My apologies."

Dean pressed his fingertips to Cas' mouth.

"What did I say about you and saying sorry?"

Cas shrugged as Dean sat up completely, wrapping his hand around Cas' neck bringing him in for a kiss. Cas tried to rise up farther to bring himself on top of Dean but Dean pressed a hand to his chest.

"Please, let me." Dean asked quietly.

And Cas did.

* * *

><p>Sam glanced down at his vibrating phone. The name <em><strong>Kim <strong>_flashed across the screen. He flipped open his phone to read the text message.

_Has he woken up yet?_

It took him all of two seconds to reply.

**Not yet.**

The screen lit up moments later.

_Let me know when he does._

Sam sighed, snapping the phone shut. She said _when_. What if he doesn't wake up this time? But that doesn't seem likely. Dean would never leave him without calling him a bitch one last time. Because that was Dean. Sam needed to stop and breathe. It was only 8 in the morning but he couldn't help but count the hours that Dean had been asleep. And 36 hours felt like a lifetime at that moment.

He had only turned his back for a minute to pull a bottle of water from the fridge but when he turned back, Dean was standing there. Sam dropped the water. Dean looked so completely normal. What did Sam expect? He had only been sleeping. But a wave of relief swept over him. He took the necessary two steps to reach Dean and bury himself in a hug.

"Don't do that again. Ever." Sam breathed quietly.

Dean returned the embrace lightly and pulled back, "I didn't mean too. Well. It's weird. I'll explain later. After I eat."

* * *

><p>Gabriel wasn't surprised to find Heaven a chaotic mess. He did his best to avoid his fellow angels and get to what he needed. He hoped it was still there. Those spells were hard to remember and if he couldn't get his hands on that book, he'd have to find another way to bring Cas back. Because he would bring him back.<p>

He'd never let anyone see his favoritism towards Cas. But he felt it. Even when he'd hurt him. It had been for his own good, right? He'd only been trying to help the Winchesters. It hurt him to see Cas so helpless then. But he'd swore he'd never do that again. Swore he'd repay Cas if he ever got the chance. And here it was! Perhaps this was why God brought him back. Redemption. He remember his Father always giving a chance for redemption. It's never too late and all that shit.

Finally he arrived at the heaven he was looking for. A castle with so many nooks and cranny's that it had been a place Gabriel could truly hide from his problems and whatever wars were being waged. Well, before he left. He remembered hiding his things well though. Why he didn't just take it all with him? He had a reason he couldn't quite remember. Maybe he didn't want to be reminded of what he was supposed to be doing? What he could be doing? He didn't really know anymore. All he knows is that he found them now. He scanned the book, finally coming to the page he was looking for. He hadn't done this spell in a very long time. And he'd only done it once or twice ever. So yes. This could be risky. But he knew he had to try. Some of the things are the list were going to prove difficult to find. But he was confident he could find them. It would just take some time. He had at least a month before Dean truly needed Cas anyways, right?

* * *

><p>Bobby and Sam sat there staring at him. Just staring. He'd told them about how he needed to sleep anyways to let junior have some grace food and they just stared.<p>

"Come on guys. With everything we've been through, this isn't that weird."

Sam jerked his head over towards Bobby. Bobby just continued to stare as he scoffed.

"Weird doesn't even begin to cover it. But I trust Cas. Just let us know before he needs to do this again."

Dean nodded.

"Seriously, Dean. You really scared us."

Dean would smile at the worried look on Sam's face if he wasn't so damn serious. Did he really think he'd left? How would he even do that? His thoughts were interrupted as Sam's phone started going off. Dean noticed a slight blush as he answered the phone and walked into the other room. Bobby just shook his head again.

"What was that, Bobby?"

"He's talking to a girl, idjit."

Dean smiled.

"It's the midwife, isn't it?"

Bobby swore, "Why don't you ask him yourself? I have bigger things to worry about. Eat your food."

Dean smiled through every bite.

* * *

><p>"<em>So he's fine?"<em>

Sam sighed, bouncing slightly on the mattress he was sitting on, "Apparently the child needed to feed off his grace."

He could hear the clogs turning in Kim's head.

"_So, baby need regular food and it needs grace food. Is this going to be a regular thing? Cause I want to make sure it gets all the nutrition it needs."_

"I'm sure Cas'll make sure it gets enough grace food. Bobby asked Dean to let us know next time it was going to happen so we don't have to worry again. God. I felt like such a girl, worrying like that."

The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he'd said. Why was Sam talking to Kim like this?

"_It's okay, Sam. He's been the most stable part of your life since forever, right? It's completely normal to worry about someone like that."_

Sam smiled, there's no way Kim really understood his relationship with Dean. Hell, he didn't get it half the time, but it was nice that she was trying to understand.

"Thanks. If means a lot to me that you're trying to understand."

"_Oh, I understand. I had an older sister that was with me when our mom died. I know what it's like…"_

Sam held his breath. Kim _had_ a sister. Past tense. He wanted to ask but didn't know if he wanted to know.

"I'm sorry."

That was stupid. Stupid response. Come on, Sam.

"_It's okay. It's been a very long time."_

The silence lasted longer than Sam wanted it too.

"I should go check on Dean."

Sam heard what he thought was a- a sniffle?

"_Yeah. I'll be back later next week to check up on him again. I'll see you, Sam."_

"See you, Kim."

The line went dead.


	13. Chapter 13

**_Authors Note: _**Helllooooo everybody! I realize I've become one of those douche bags that doesn't ever update. I'm sorry! I know there's a deep circle of hell reserved for me. But at least the Devil's sexy! I have so many excuses for my absence, from a promotion at work to the Burbank SPN con (awww yeah). So yes. I have the entire story in my head. It's just taking me forever to write it out. I really love you all! Also, lots of different POV's. If it gets confusing, let me know.

**_Full Disclosure? _**I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13:<strong>

When Sam told him they'd had a visitor while Dean was out, the last person he expected was Gabriel. And he was more than a little surprised that he'd offered his help. They hadn't exactly been buddies. But he had promised Cas he'd bring him back. And there's only so much you can do from a cabin in Montana. Speaking of which.

"How did he find us?"

Sam looked up from his computer, "How did who find us?"

Dean rolled his eyes and looked at Sam, who looked like he was still trying to grasp at what Dean was saying.

"Come on. Angel."

Sam jerked his head to the side, "Oh! Gabriel. I'm not sure. He was pretty powerful. There's probably a lot of things he could do to find us."

"There's probably a lot of things he could do to bring back Cas, too."

Sam nodded looking up from his book to lock eyes with Dean. "Exactly. I'm sure he's working on it right now. He seemed kind of down that Cas was actually gone."

Dean scoffed, "Right. Cause he was so good to Cas last time he saw him."

Dean watched Sam take a deep breath and exhale slowly through his nose. He always did that when he was either thinking hard or was upset about something.

"What's up, Sammy?"

Sam looked back down to his book. "Well, what about last time we saw him? I mean. I literally stabbed him in the back."

Dean found it hard to swallow, "Well, that was the time before the last time you saw him."

Sam gave him his typical bitchface.

Dean just continued, "Yeah… Can't say I'm very proud of myself. You know how me and feelings work."

Sam gave up a sad smile, "No chick flick moments."

"Is what I said before my entire life turned into an apocalyptic chick flick."

Dean watched a silent laugh shudder through Sam's body and smiled.

"You know that makes you a chick too."

Sam shook his head, "Maybe I'm the handsome best friend that ends up with the girl at the end."

"As long as the girl isn't Cas."

Dean saw Sam cringe as he actually laughed.

"Oh please. You had to go there."

Dean shrugged, "Just marking what's mine."

"I'm pretty sure he's the one that marked you."

Dean sighed, "Always with the technicalities. Leave me just a sliver of manhood."

Sam smiled as his phone rung with a text message.

"Only if you promise to leave me some, too."

* * *

><p>Bobby was hunting. Actually hunting. He had a deer in his crosshairs when he heard that familiar rush of wings. He ignored it, trying to fire quickly as the buck ran away.<p>

"Oh! So close. You know you can actually buy food in a store now, right?"

Bobby sighed. He just wanted this short time to himself. Find a little bit of dinner. But no.

"What do you want?"

He turned to see Gabriel holding an absurd amount of leaves, all weaved together somehow.

"Come on, Bobby. I hear you're the go-to guy for all hard to find objects for bat-shit crazy spells!"

Gabriel dropped the leave mats to the ground.

"That's why I asked what you wanted, idjit. You're doing all this for Cas, right?"

Gabriel's look turned sober. "Yeah. I figured it might get me back on everybody's good side."

They stood there awkwardly for a minute before Bobby broke the silence.

"So?"

Gabriel smiled, pulled an ancient looking book from behind his back.

"I need to ask you a huge favor."

* * *

><p>Castiel looked out over the moonless sea. There were only stars to light the night, but he rather liked it. Dean's mind could be terribly lonely sometimes. But, moments like this made him feel lucky. He wasn't gone. He had the beautiful man he'd raised from perdition more than he'd ever had him in reality.<p>

Reality.

He suddenly wondered about Heaven. What happened after he left?

"Hey, Castiel."

He jumped at the soft voice behind him. He felt his chest tighten.

"Gabriel."

Gabriel lifted his arms, "You got it. Could someone please tell him what he wins?"

Castiel felt his stomach start to churn.

"What are you doing here?"

Gabriel smiled a soft, gentle smile that Castiel hadn't seen in a long time.

"I came to check on you. I also needed to ask you some questions."

He felt the grip on his chest release, "But, how?"

"How am I alive or how am I here?"

Gabriel shrugged.

"Well. God. I think. And as for being here. I'm trying to help Dean bring you back so I crawled into his brain."

Castiel looked away from Gabriel and back to the sky.

"Does he know you're here?"

"Does he need to know?"

Castiel nodded and looked back down at him.

"I don't like secrets. The last secret I kept ended me."

Gabriel smiled and pointed, stepping closer to Castiel.

"You mean almost ended you. Or could've ended you. Because you're still here!"

Castiel gazed towards Gabriel, holding eye contact.

"I'll talk to you. But I'm telling Dean everything if I see it fit to tell him."

Gabriel nodded.

"Sounds good to me. Now, to work."

* * *

><p>Cas didn't know how Dean would react when he told him about the visit he had from Gabriel. But frustration seemed appropriate.<p>

"So he's seeing everyone except for me! That's just peachy."

Cas looked up from his place on the sand. He'd stayed there for what seemed like hours, talking to Gabriel. He hadn't even told Dean the worst part and he only wanted to calm him. He reached his hand up to rub Dean's arm.

"Dean. He's quite busy with this. Please, just lie down."

Dean turned from his sitting position to look down at Cas' prone body. Cas raised himself up onto his elbow. His hand went farther up Dean's arm until it came to his neck. Cas felt his heart beat faster as Dean lowered down to his back, trapping Cas' hand under his neck. Cas took this as an invitation and rolled himself gently onto Dean. He felt calloused hands rub up and under his shirt. Up and up until he felt pressure pulling him down until his lips collided with Dean's. He slipped his tongue past Dean's lips, fighting for dominance. But Dean broke the kiss to peel Cas' shirt off. Cas shivered at the sudden exposure.

"You okay, Cas?"

Dean asked, returning his hands to Cas' back. Cas nodded and leaned back down to kiss Dean. He slid both hands down until they were resting on Dean's abdomen, rubbing gently. He loved feeling that little heartbeat beneath him. Dean smiled into the kiss before opening his mouth wider.

He didn't know how long they spent just pushing and pulling, fighting with their tongues, but in the end he gave into Dean. He knew he was going to give in before they even started. Dean rolled them over, pulling off his shirt in the process. Cas closed his eyes just as a handful of sand that had collected on Dean's shirt covered him. His mouth was unfortunately, still open. He blew out a quick breath, trying to get as much out as possible. Dean wiped the sand from the rest of his face, apologizing fervently. Cas couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"Dean. Dean. This is to be expected when you're at the beach. It's okay. Just don't kiss me."

Cas finally opened his eyes slowly to find Dean smiling down at him.

"I can't not kiss you, Cas."

And with that Dean leaned down and ran his tongue along Cas' lips, collecting the sand still clinging to them. He sat up and turned his head, spitting the sand as far from them as possible. As Dean turned his head away, Cas reached his hands up to run along Deans nipples, giving a rub and slight tug.

"Nnngh, Cas."

Dean said in that low sexy voice. Cas felt his blood rush downwards and he suddenly needed more. He thrust upwards, begging for friction and moaning softly when he found it.

"Dean, please. I need you."

He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice, because he really did need Dean. And he didn't know the next time they would ever be like this. Or if they'd ever be like this again. Dean didn't seem to notice any desperation and they were quickly (and without further incident) naked, erections curling towards their abdomens.

Dean ran his hand along Cas' face, inserting his fingers into Cas' mouth. Cas eagerly took the hint, sucking slowly and releasing them with a pop. Dean gave him one more kiss before moving downwards, lifting one of Cas' legs up and resting it on his shoulder.

"Dean. Quickly, please."

And with that, Dean circled Cas' entrance with both fingers, sliding them both up to the first knuckle. Cas gasped with the burn, but thrust up into it, needing it. Begging for it. It seemed like seconds later that Dean spit into his hand, slicking up his cock and pressing fully into Cas with one slow thrust. Cas felt his eyes water and he pressed his hand to Dean's chest, stilling him. He let out a long breath, doing his best to relax. Dean shifted above him and grunted.

"Cas. If I don't move soon…"

Dean left the sentence unfinished and Cas looked up into his eyes to find the black nearly overtaking the green. Cas nodded taking another deep breath as Dean pulled out and slammed back in. And as Cas felt it barely brush against his prostate, he longed for more. The burn no longer mattered. He reached with one hand to grab Dean's hip and thrust upwards, begging it to push against him. And it did. He groaned as Dean took over, thrusting in and out, trying for that magic spot and hitting it more often than not. Cas slipped his hand between them to pull at his dick with a twist. It only took one more stroke before Cas saw the white and was overcome by the crash and ride of his orgasm. He tightened as Dean thrust again, hitting that spot one more time before releasing into Cas. Dean sighed and let Cas' leg drop back to the sand before resting his head on Cas' sternum.

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair giving a slight hum. Dean smiled into his chest before pulling himself from Cas. He felt sticky. He knew it was supposed to feel unpleasant, but he couldn't help but enjoy the moment before cleaning them both with a snap.

"I love it when you do that, Cas." Dean said, still smiling.

Cas smiled back, "And I love you."

Dean blushed for a second before reaching to give a chaste kiss.

"I know."

Cas knew he needed to tell him. It was going to have to happen sooner or later. But he couldn't. So he just sat there on the sand, clinging to Dean while he could.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Authors Note:**_ Finally! Please enjoy and tell me any inconsistencies or anything bugging you. I'm sure I'll think of an explanation for it :)

_**Full Disclosure?**_ I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14:<strong>

Sam pushed the door open slowly, glancing down at the bed to find Dean sleeping soundly, hands resting on his stomach. He heard gentle footsteps come up from behind him.

"It's okay, Sam. What could happen while he's sleeping?"

Sam exhaled, "You never know. Weirder things have happened."

Kim slid her arms around his waist, fitting her body against his back. She'd come back around for a 'check-up' yesterday, saying she wanted to know more about the grace food. And had never left. And Sam was extremely grateful for that. She gave him this sense of peace he'd only ever felt with Bobby and Dean. She'd actually gone on a run with him that afternoon. And he didn't want to jinx it, but he really, really liked Kim.

He felt her kiss his back, working up to his shoulder until he reached his neck.

"Come back to bed. He'll be okay, he's with Cas."

Sam nodded, turning and following Kim back to his room.

They found a certain someone there though.

"Sam. Nice to see you're getting lucky with the ladies again."

"Gabriel. This is Kim. Kim. Don't pay attention to anything he says."

Kim smiled as Gabriel took her hand to kiss it, "So nice to meet such a beautiful woman amongst these smelly men."

She looked over to Sam.

"I don't know. He seems kind of nice."

Sam gave a gentle shove to Gabriel, "Well, he's really not."

"Hey! I can be. Like when I help you get Cas back."

Kim started, "Wait. Gabriel. Oh wow. It's nice to meet you. Sorry it took a second. I think I was still sleeping."

Gabriel smiled up at her.

"That's understandable. It is the middle of the night. Which, as it turns out, is the perfect time to bring Cas back."

Sam felt his breathing slow, "Already?"

Gabriel nodded.

"Bobby really does have a knack for finding ingredients."

Sam let out a sigh, "Alright. What do I have to do?"

"Sorry to be a cockblock, but if you could just sit with Dean. When he wakes up, he'll be missing part of what felt like himself. It might be nice for him to have someone with him."

Sam glanced at Kim who nodded supportively.

"It's okay, Sam. Your brother is the priority."

And that's how Sam found himself holding his brothers hand through the night with nothing but the moon to keep him company.

* * *

><p>They were still sitting on the beach, enveloped in a comfortable silence. Well, Dean thought it was a comfortable silence. Cas proved him wrong by breaking it.<p>

"Dean. There's something I need to tell you."

Cas fidgeted.

"Let me guess, you're pregnant?"

Dean smiled but Cas' face just grew more agitated.

"Dean, please. Just listen."

Dean sobered immediately. He just nodded to urge Cas on.

"I told you about my visit from Gabriel. But I haven't told you everything. There's a complication. You see, my vessel can't be found. Gabriel knows it's out there but he doesn't know where. There's a way to find it but it could go very wrong. Gabriel can put me back into my vessel but that requires a couple things. It requires the part of my grace being ripped from yours. I trust him to do it, but it must be done very carefully."

Dean took a deep breath, "So what's the problem?"

Cas looked up, an almost scared look in his eyes.

"I'll wake up in my vessel, wherever it is. That could be anywhere. It could also be damaged. And there's a possibility that I won't remember anything that has happened between us these months."

Dean stood, shaking his head.

"No. I can't let that happen. We can just find you another vessel. Or something. And I won't lose you. I can't let you forget everything that's happened."

Cas followed him, gesturing with his hands.

"You know I need the vessel's permission. So, what? I just stay in your mind forever? What about Sam and Bobby? Are you just going to sleep your life away to be with me? I can't let that happen. It will drain you. At least there is a chance that this will work. And what about our child? Would you deny me the opportunity to be with her? However slight that chance may be."

Cas lowered his hands, defeated. Dean didn't know what to do.

"Cas. I don't have the answers. I just don't want to lose you. Wait. Did you say 'her'?"

Dean held his breath. Cas lowered his head and sighed.

"Perhaps."

"Are you sure? How do you even know?"

"I just know. Please don't change the subject, Dean."

"You can't just drop bombshells like this on me. One at a time, Cas. A guy can only handle so much."

"Dean. Gabriel will be here momentarily. Please."

Cas reached out to Dean. He knew that this pregnancy wasn't supposed to get him hormonal, but he wished he had the excuse when he felt moisture prickle at his eyes.

"He's coming here?" Dean asked quietly.

Cas nodded, "He needs to. For the spell."

He jerked his arm away from Cas' grip. He was familiar with this crushing, burning feeling in his chest. But he swore he'd never feel betrayed by Cas again. But Gabriel was on his way and Cas was going to be gone. And he was just now bringing it up. But the reality of losing Cas grew stronger. He shoved the feelings aside.

"Cas. Why didn't you just ask before?"

Cas stepped back into Dean's personal space.

"Gabriel wanted to do it as soon as possible. He assumed that it'd be good to give us time to find each other before the birth."

Cas slid his hand down Dean's arm, finally intertwining his fingers with Dean's. Dean felt a tear slip out and run down his cheek.

"How will you find us? If it goes off without a hitch. We still have the sigils on our chests."

He felt a thumb rub softly along his hand.

"Just pray. You know I'll always come when you call."

Dean let the remaining tears flow freely as their lips collided in a desperate kiss. He did his best not to whimper at the loss when Gabriel came along, laying a layer of weaved leaves on the sand. Castiel released Dean, settling on the leaves as Gabriel mixed together a little bit of everything. He helped spread the mix around Cas and catching him in one last kiss, giving Cas' hand a quick squeeze.

"You better wake up with ears wide open."

Dean stepped back, gazing down at Castiel as Gabriel spoke first in Latin and then switching to Enochian. Dean watched as Cas' face shifted from terrified to almost peaceful.

Cas looked up at Dean as he disappeared, leaving Dean with an empty feeling in his gut.

* * *

><p>Sam had been there the whole time. He'd held Dean's hand as he had shuddered and shivered. Gabriel had said that it wouldn't be hurting Dean by removing the grace, but that he might react. That's the only thing that kept Sam remotely calm until Dean woke with a start. He bolted upright, mumbling nonsense that Sam just barely deciphered.<p>

"Cas! Cas, you bastard. Get your angel ass over here. Please."

Dean had his eyes closed, repeating where they were and mumbling his prayer over and over. Sam crawled into the bed behind him, cradling Dean to his chest like Dean used to do for Sam when a bad dream had woken him in the middle of the night. He started whispering in Dean's ear.

"Dean. It's okay. Cas'll get here when he can. Just give him some time. I'm sure Gabriel will help him get here soon. Breathe, Dean. It'll be fine. Cas is fine. Just calm down. You don't want to go into early labor, right."

Dean stilled, his breathing slowing. He shook his head.

"Good. Just give it a couple days. Cas will be here."

But the days turned into a week. And then two. Dean only had a couple months left before junior would want to meet everybody. There was still no sign of Castiel. But he never stopped praying.

* * *

><p><em>Two Weeks Earlier:<em>

Castiel opened his eyes and regretted it instantly. He was surrounded by water. And it wasn't exactly clean water. How did he get here? He tried to fly, but couldn't feel his wings. He found that his lungs were nearly out of oxygen and where it normally wouldn't have hindered him, he felt a strong burn in his chest and the desire to take a deep breath. But he was still underwater. He found his legs and pushed against the mud, propelling himself upwards. It felt like a very long time before the light became brighter and he broke the surface of the… River? Castiel took in the landscape. Where was he? He searched his memory. The last thing he remembered was pushing Dean and Bobby, telling them to run. Then the unbearable pain and laughing. The laughing was still ringing in his ears.

He went with the slow moving current, pushing for the shore. He couldn't remember ever having to swim before and he hoped that he wouldn't have to do it again. He didn't like it. Too wet. He stood in the sun for a minute, gathering himself. He needed to find out where he was. And where Dean was. He could be dead for all he knew. What if Dean was dead? Cas felt his chest clench. He didn't know what he would do if Dean was dead. He just stood there, letting himself dry. Willing to somehow feel his wings. But there was no movement. He started to walk, not quite knowing which way to go. He felt a tired ache in his body that he'd never noticed before. And this stinging pain in his abdomen. His mouth was dry and his skin started to feel tight and dry. He ignored the sensations, walking for nearly two hours before reaching a small town.

"Nemaha, Pop. 175"

Cas passed the sign, knocking on the first door that he came to. An elderly woman opened the door and without him speaking another word, she gestured for him to come in and sit. After some much needed water, Cas gasped out a story that made very little sense, remembering how Dean had once taught him to lie.

"So. You're saying you fell into the river and couldn't get out."

Cas felt the heat in his face grow brighter as he nodded.

"Alright. When you're ready, feel free to tell me the truth."

Cas gulped the last bite of the sandwich that 'Rachel' had given him and stood.

"It's a long story. You wouldn't believe it if I told you. And I really shouldn't tell you."

He wandered towards the bookshelf in the corner, shuffling through the books with a curious look at a particular book with an old leather binding.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen in my life. I'm pretty sure nothing you could say would surprise me."

Rachel followed him to the shelf and reached for the book in his hand right as he opened it, revealing a latin exorcism. Cas blocked her hand, turning the page with vigor. Information on a kitsune. He looked at the older woman, feeling the shock in his eyes. She looked slightly nervous as she removed the book from his hand and put it back on the shelf.

"Just some old wives tales, pay them no mind."

Cas shook his head, "Are you a hunter?"

Rachel stood transfixed before whispering the word 'Christo' under her breath.

"I'm not a demon. I need your help. I'm looking for some hunters."

Rachel sighed, "Retired hunter. Well, my husband was really the hunter. He's out in the fields right now but he'll be back soon. But I'm sure there's still time enough for your story."

Cas shook his head, "I really need to go. Do you know of two hunters who are brothers? Their names are Sam and Dean Winchester. I need to find them."

Rachel took a shaky breath, "Oh dear. Sit down, please."

Cas sat without being asked twice, hoping to speed along the process. Hoping to find Dean that much faster. Rachel sat next to him, laying a hand on his knee.

"Honey. There was an accident. A fire. The rumor is that Bobby and the Winchester's didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

Cas felt himself crack. He found himself weeping on the woman's shoulder until exhaustion took pity on him and he fell into a fitful sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Authors Note:** _Heeeeyyyyy. So yeah. Trying to finish up this fic for Destiel week on tumblr so this is your last say in anything that might be bothering you about the story. Some of the questions asked are being addressed in future chapters but if anything new pops in your head let me know. Love you all and thank you for the amazing reviews!

_**Full Disclosure?** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15:<strong>

It had been six weeks. Six long weeks since he attempted to bring back Cas. Gabriel still hadn't found him. It should've been simple. Sensing an angel's grace was usually one of his specialties. Especially Castiel's grace. It was a young burning grace. So why couldn't he find him? He even tried praying. What was he saying? He'd prayed everyday for Cas and nothing. It could only mean two things. He was either dead for good, which is something he'd pushed out of his mind as soon as he thought it, or his grace had burned out bringing him back. It made it close to impossible for Gabriel. But he'd never give up. He'd promised Dean.  
>He'd promised himself.<p>

* * *

><p>Sam watched Dean retreat into himself more with each passing day. They hadn't heard from Gabriel for nearly a month. Dean never talked about it but when he thought no one was listening, he'd pray. Always praying. Sam didn't want to push him, more for the baby's sake than his own, but when Dean stopped eating, Sam knew they needed to talk.<p>

He pushed the door open to find Dean sitting on the bed, staring out the window. Sam cleared his throat with no visible reaction from Dean. He walked over and sat on the bed.

"Dean. I brought you something to eat."

Dean shook his head.

"Not hungry."

Sam put the plate on Dean's lap, forcing Dean to grab it.

"That doesn't matter. I know, Dean. I know this is hard. But you need to think about more than just you. This blessing he gave you, you need to take care of it. It could be the only thing left of him."

Dean closed his eyes, a tear trickling down his cheek. He dropped the plate, spilling the contents to the floor. He lowered his head into his hands, covering his face.

"Don't say that. Just don't. Not out loud. He's still around, Sam. I can feel him. But he's so far away. I don't think he can hear me. I don't know what to do. He told me to pray but I don't think he's hearing them."

Sam rubbed up and down Dean's spine.

"Gabriel's still looking for him. He'll find him, Dean. He'll bring him back. But you need to eat. Kim'll be here soon and she's getting worried about both of you. And-"

Sam stuttered as Dean looked up at him with red eyes,

"And so am I. I don't want to lose you, Dean."

Dean nodded.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I am. Just give me a minute. I'll be out in a minute."

Sam nodded and leaned over, giving him a hug. Standing, he picked up as much of the food as he could and went to take it to the kitchen, he paused outside the doorway. Dean's voice drifted through.

"Dammit, Cas. I know you're out there. Please find me. I need you. We need you. More than ever. Wherever you are, just find me."

Sam rushed to the kitchen, nearly dropping the plate again when he saw Kim sitting at the table.

"How did you?..."

She stood, "Bobby let me in. How's he doing?"

Sam shook his head.

"He's been better. He's been worse. I've never seen himself so withdrawn though. Not to me."

She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"When you lose someone so close to you, it takes you a long time to get back to yourself. And if Cas really is gone, it'll take Dean a long time to come to terms with it."

Sam sighed, "Could you check him? He hasn't been eating."

She nodded, giving him a kiss before walking to Dean's room.

* * *

><p>Everything about Dean seemed different. The life that once sparked in his eyes was gone, leaving dull pupils instead. She could probably wrap her finger around his collarbone. And his wrists, too thin.<p>

"Have you been sleeping enough for the baby to eat it's grace food?"

Dean nodded.

"Good. You should be eating too. It needs human nutrition too. Lie down."

He complied silently, closing his eyes.

She rolled up his shirt and paused. The six pack she once admired was gone. She pushed gently against his now distended abdomen.

"You're not supposed to be showing, right?"

He surprised her by answering.

"No. But I am. I think it might have something to do with... With what happened."

She grabbed her doppler. There was no way she'd ever understand this pregnancy. After a few minutes a soft beating filled the room.

"It sounds good. Very healthy."

She started cleaning him up when he spoke up again.

"It's a girl."

She stopped.

"Girl. Did he tell you that?"

He nodded, sitting up.

"Right before he left."

She wrapped her doppler, crossing the room to put it back in her bag.

"Kim?"

She turned back to him. He was sitting on edge of his bed.

"Yeah, Dean?"

He looked up at her cautiously.

"Would you stay here? Please. I want Sammy and Bobby to go look for Cas."

Kim took a deep breath and sat down next to him.

"You know it's only a month until your little girl is supposed to get here. I don't know if you should be sending them away."

He sighed.

"I know they can find him. I just know he's out there. He just can't hear me... Please. I just need someone to find him. I would if they'd let me. They barely let me out of the house as it is. Just. I want someone to stay with me. All these pent up hormones are driving me crazy and it'd be nice to have someone here."

Kim stared into those desperate eyes. How could she refuse?

"Of course."

She was settled in the house by the end of the night.

* * *

><p>Cas was still in Nemaha. Nemaha, Nebraska. It was a tight knit community, only a few hunters but everyone knew about the supernatural. He still hadn't told them his story. And as curious as they got, they let him have his privacy. Rachel and her husband, David, had taken him under their wing. And when he had gone to David with his desire to become a hunter, David spent his time teaching Cas everything he knew. And now it was time. There was demon activity down the road and Cas was finally dubbed hunt ready. He triple checked his guns and knives on the drive there, barely noticing his fellow hunters attempts to include him in the conversation.<p>

He knew what he was going to do. He would never tell the hunters though. He needed a demon. He needed to find out for himself. See for himself. Rumor was the Winchesters were dead? Well, it wouldn't be the first rumor that was wrong. And that's what kept Cas going. He needed to know for himself if Dean was really gone. So he needed a demon. Cas hadn't tortured a demon in a very long time. But he would.

They pulled up to a bar. Cas ignored what the lead hunter was saying. Something about finding demons. Cas knew how to find demons.

As they entered the bar, Cas went up to the bar, grabbing the attention of the bartender.

"Jack and Coke."

She smiled at him and grabbed a glass.

"Long day?"

Cas shook his head, scanning the room again. The man by himself in the corner could quite possibly be who he was looking for.

"Is that all I get from you? Maybe you should pay more attention to me. I am what you're looking for, after all."

Cas turned towards the bartender, black eyes flashing back at him. They quickly disappeared.

"You know. When Crowley told us to be on the lookout for you, I thought he was joking. I mean, you were dead. But I guess this proves why he's the King of Hell and I am just a poor demon."

She smirked at him. Was it….

"Meg?"

She laughed.

"You're associating me with that bitch? Thanks, but no. I'm Sarah."

She handed him the Jack and Coke that he'd forgotten he'd ordered. He glanced down at the glass cautiously and back to Sarah. She grinned.

"I didn't poison it. Crowley told us not to kill you. He's too far reliant on the Winchesters to get on their bad side."

Cas felt his heartbeat accelerate. It took all his training to not grab the demon and demand more information. He tried for casual as he took to glass to his mouth.

"So, they're alive?"

He took a sip, looking at Sarah, hanging on her every movement.

"Of course they're alive. Are the Winchesters even capable of dying?"

Cas' mind flashed to pulling first Dean and then Sam out of the pit.

"Yes. Where are they?"

"Skipping the foreplay tonight, aren't ya? I don't know where they are. And torture isn't going to change my answer. If you want to know where they are, ask Crowley. He always seems to know."

Cas took a deep breathe. He didn't know how he would be able to talk to Crowley. Their last meeting hadn't exactly been on the best of terms.

"I was hoping to avoid contacting him."Sarah twisted her face up into a fake sympathetic expression.

"Oh, right. You girls don't really get along. I don't know what to tell you. Put your pride to the side, girlfriend."

Cas felt his eyes squint, "I don't… I would rather not create conflict."

Sarah turned sober and glanced around nervously.

"Why don't you just summon him into a devil's trap? You'll get what you need and then you can let him go. Just make sure you're far away when you do. It could get ugly."

Cas nodded.

"Why would you help me?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I'm bored. You really shouldn't trust demons, you know."

Cas stared at her. Was that a hint to not do what she said? He didn't know. His thoughts are interrupted by a hunter slapping his back.

"Time to go."

Cas spun towards the retreating figure and then back to Sarah. She shrugged.

"Showtime."

Yes. Yes it was.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Authors Note:** _So. Shorter chapter! But it's an update, right? Got sidetracked again but managed to at least write this much. Enjoy!

_**Full Disclosure? **_I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 16:<span>**

Cas gathered his meager belongings, some clothes and a plethora of fake I.D.'s. All of it given to him by David and Rachel. He was finally heading out on his own. When he told them he was leaving, they insisted to further their generosity and give him an old truck. It was nearing the end of it's life and they told him to just drive it as far as it would go. The sun was just coming over the horizon when they stood at the door and wished him luck. Cas was surprised and nearly driven to tears when first Rachel and then David drew him close for a hug.

As he drove away, he memorized the faces in the rearview mirror. He knew he'd never forget their kindness.

* * *

><p>Sam stared at Dean.<p>

"I'm sorry, what?"

Dean rolled his eyes.

"I want you to go find Cas."

Sammy laughed and shook his head.

"You've gotta be joking. You're a month away from freaking giving birth. I'm not leaving."

Dean stood from the bed he was sitting on.

"That's right. I'm a month away from giving birth. To Cas' kid. Which is kind of why I need you go go find the son of a bitch!"

Sam took a breath.

"You're worried Gabriel won't find him in time."

He said it more as a statement than a question. Dean just turned his back and looked out the window.

"Is this why Kim stayed the night?", Sam asked.

Dean nodded.

"I asked her to stay so you and Bobby could go. I need him here, Sammy. I'm scared shitless without him. What am I even supposed to do with a baby? I just. I'd feel better with him here."

Sammy exhaled through his nose then nodded.

"Okay. You have to promise not to go into labor when we're halfway across the country, though. I'll kick your ass if you do."

Dean smiled at him.

"Well, you better get your ass on the road, bitch."

Sam smiled back, "Let me get ready, jerk."

Convincing Bobby took all of five minutes. They were on the road by dawn the next day. First stop, Bobby's old house. Well, what was left of it.

* * *

><p>It took him a couple wrong turns and complete turnarounds, but Cas got to the rubble that was once Bobby's house that same afternoon. The cars were starting to rust in places and the house was overgrown with weeds. It took Cas nearly two hours to pry the garage open and paint a devil's trap. He had gathered the items for a summoning before he left David's and now as he was saying it out loud, he started to wonder if this was a bad idea. It was too late to go back now though. Crowley appeared in a cloud of smoke.<p>

"What? No. NO. Who did this? You're DEAD. DO YOU HEAR ME?"

It seemed that Crowley's temper hadn't improved. Castiel stepped forwards, out of the shadows.

"Hello, Crowley."

Crowley blink hard once, than twice.

"I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to actually do this. Do you remember last time we saw each other? Well, time before last really. You double crossed me as I double crossed you. I don't think demons and angels mix very well."

Cas tilted his head downwards as he kept his eyes on Crowley.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm no longer an angel."

Crowley crossed his arms.

"Huh. So. You're mortal."

Cas nodded.

"Doesn't mean I'm not dangerous."

Cas pulled out his gun. Crowley smirked.

"Guns can't kill me, Cas."

Cas leveled the gun at Crowley and pulled the trigger. Crowley flinched and clutched at his chest.

"Doesn't mean a salt round doesn't hurt like hell. Now I have it on good authority that you have information on the Winchesters. You're going to tell me what you know."

Crowley straightened up and laughed.

"Oh come on. Like you really needed to do that. I'm trying to stay on the Winchesters good side. Handing you over to them would be like my golden ticket."

Cas lowered his gun.

"So you'll take me to them?"

Crowley smiled, "Just because I can doesn't mean I have too. And I don't even know where they are right now. They kind of up and disappeared a couple months ago. No one knows where they are."

Cas dropped his gun in defeat.

"Well, someone has to have seen them last. Find them."

Crowley nodded at the floor.

"Do you mind?"

Cas squinted his eyes and picked the gun back up.

"There's no way I'm breaking this trap while I'm here. Think about what you could do to me. I'll let someone know you're here. Expect to hear from me soon."

Crowley's face started to go pale.

"Cas. CAS! Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?"

He continued to shout but Castiel just blocked the noise as he got into his truck. The Winchesters were alive. Why would they just up and disappear? And where in the hell would they go? Cas started up his truck and drove away.

* * *

><p>Crowley had been there for a full day before the door to the garage opened again. It wasn't anyone he expected though.<p>

"Sam Winchester? Well, I'll be damned. Again."

Sam stopped in his tracks.

"Crowley. What are you doing here?"

Crowley stood, brushing the soot off his suit.

"One of your little friends trapped me. Would you please let me get out of here before I tear off my own head for fun?"

Sam leaned down to scratch at the paint when Bobby held him back.

"Wait just a minute. Which one of our little friends trapped you? This is pretty powerful stuff."

Crowley rolled his eyes.

"It's someone you haven't seen in a while."

Bobby scoffed, "That's everyone. Just tell us, idjit."

Crowley sighed. He had hoped to hold this wild card in his pocket.

"It was Cas. He's looking for you guys, you know?"

Sam's breath started to visibly accelerate.

"So, he really is alive. Why couldn't Gabriel just find him then?"

Bobby shrugged his shoulders and turned back to Crowley.

"What aren't you telling us? I can tell there's more."

Crowley folded his hand.

"Let me go and I'll tell you."

Bobby gave him a forced laugh, "Like I'm going to trust a demon to stick around to tell us something he doesn't want us to know. Tell us now and we'll let you go. Alive."

Crowley sighed again.

"Fine. He's mortal."

Sam snapped up.

"Bobby."

He signaled him out of hearing range. All he caught was a couple of raised whispers and large hand gestures before they returned to him. Sam reached down and broke the trap. Crowley smiled and sauntered from the circle.

"Well, it appears I am actually in your debt. Cas said he was going to send someone but I don't really believe anything he says anymore."

Sam put a hand on Crowley's chest, he shouldn't have felt intimidated by a human, but the way Sam towered over him made him hold his breath.

"Yeah. You're actually coming with us. And you're telling us everything that happened between you and Cas."

The breath rushed out of Crowley in a huff.

"And how do you think you'll get me to stay?"

Bobby pulled Ruby's knife out of nowhere.

"We've got our ways."

Crowley followed them to the automobile. They sat him in the back, right under another devil's trap.

"You know, if you wanted help you could've just asked for it."

Sam turned in his seat to face him.

"And would you have helped us?"

Crowley didn't even pause.

"Probably not. But I'm just saying you could ask nicer next time."

Bobby's eyes drifted up to the rearview mirror.

"I'll keep the knife put away next time."

Crowley grumbled something about "Yeah right, next time" before hunching down in his seat as they began to badger him with questions.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Authors Note:** _So yeah. Enjoy!

**_Warning:_** I'm including a graphic birth warning for the next two chapters. Please, if you don't like, don't read.

_**Full Disclosure?** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17:<strong>

Two weeks later and Castiel still hadn't contacted Crowley. When he had gone back to Sarah and told her where to go to release Crowley, she had looked close to terrified. She'd called him a few days later stating that Crowley had been gone when she got there. If Crowley had gotten out on his own, that means he'd be hunting for Cas. So Cas kept under the radar as much as possible, using aliases and paying with fake credit cards. Dean may not have taught him a lot, but he'd been observant enough to know what to do.

As he drove down an unfamiliar back road, the pay as you go phone he had bought started buzzing.

"Sarah."

The other line was silent for a minute before Crowley's voice answered.

"I'm sorry. She's not available at the moment."

Castiel immediately pulled his truck over to the side of the road.

"Crowley. What did you do to her?"

Not like he should care. But she had proved useful.

"Nothing permanent. You, on the other hand…"

Cas took a deep breath as Crowley left the rest to his imagination.

"Only if you can find me. I know your tricks, Crowley."

He heard a chuckle.

"Right. You know all my tricks. What you don't know is that I have Sam Winchester with me right now. He wants to know where you are."

Cas jerked upwards, nearly hitting his head on the top of the truck. Sam. Sam Winchester. That's exactly who he needed to talk to.

"Why should I believe you?" He asked hesitantly.

He heard a shuffling and muting noise on the other end of the line. Then a familiar voice came on the line.

"Cas?"

Sam sounded quiet, almost as if he was talking to a ghost.

"Sam."

The exhale on the other end made Cas relax a little.

"Dammit, Cas. We've been looking for you for a long time."

Cas shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, I could say the same thing about you. Is Dean with you?"

He heard Sam chuckle on the other end.

"You should know he's not traveling right now, Cas. Not in his condition."

Cas felt his face twist up in confusion.

"What condition? How would I have this information? I haven't heard from you in months. I was dead, as far as I know."

He heard Sam scoff.

"Come on. You don't remember anything involving you and Dean?"

Cas searched his recent memories. He went from walking into the lake directly to waking up at the bottom on the river. But he stayed at that memory. It felt strange. Almost as if he was missing something. But he couldn't figure it out.

"Nothing recently. Did something happen?"

Before Sam could give Cas an answer, there was a commotion in the backround. He heard Bobby's voice but couldn't make out what he was saying. But it sounded urgent.

"Cas. Where are you?"

"Tell me what's going on Sam."

"Please, Cas. I don't have time. Where are you?"

Cas sighed.

"Highway 169 in Kansas. Just south of Welda."

He heard a door slam.

"Stay exactly where you are."

And before Cas could say anything, Sam was gone.

* * *

><p>Another contraction overcame Dean and he simply focused on his breathing. Just breath. That's what everybody said helped pain. Yeah, right. Dean had been stabbed, shot, burned, crushed, and killed in more ways than anyone else alive could brag about. But this? He held a whole new respect for women. As the pain subsided he heard Kim's voice.<p>

"You're doing really well, Dean. Better than most people."

Dean chuckled.

"Well, I'm used to pain by now."

He winched as he shifted his position. Kim rearranged the pillows as he laid back down.

"I'm sorry, Kim. That sounded way worse out loud than it did in my head."

Kim smiled, "It's okay. I know what you mean. Former hunter here."

Dean sighed.

"So. You called Sam, right?"

She nodded.

"Bobby actually picked up. They're still a couple hours out, but they'll be here in time. You're still in the early stages of labor."

Dean rubbed his now fully grown stomach gently.

"I still don't understand why I'm in labor. I'm not supposed to be for another couple weeks."

Kim reached for her phone as it buzzed.

"Well, it's not unheard of to go into labor early. And you were probably already a couple weeks along when you found out you were pregnant."

As she typed out a reply to a text that was most likely from Sam, Dean took another deep breath.

"Right. I should've read those books Sam gave me."

Kim smiled again, "I don't know if they had any chapters on this."

Dean smiled back, "Thanks. You know. For everything you've done."

Kim rubbed his arm.

"Anything for you guys. Why don't you try and get some sleep. You'll need to be rested for later."

Dean felt his eyelids grow heavy just at the thought of sleep. He slid further down on the bed and got as comfortable as he knew he would get. As he nodded off, he prayed one more time.

* * *

><p>Crowley couldn't believe his bad luck. He could always ignore what they asked him to do. Of course he had a choice. But if he didn't do what Sam asked, he knew he was as good as dead. He still had no idea how he got mixed up with them. And now he was praying to an angel. A freaking archangel. He was a pathetic excuse for a demon.<p>

"Gabriel. I know you can hear me. I have a message from Sam Winchester on Castiel's whereabouts. So get your ass over here so I can go back to running Hell."

Gabriel appeared instantly.

"Well, that didn't take much."

Gabriel put his hands in his pockets.

"Where is he?"

"There's more to the message. I just needed to get you here. You're supposed to take Cas back to Dean immediately. Cas is on highway 169 south of Welda in Kansas. Also, he can't remember a thing."

Gabriel jerked his head to the side, gesturing with his hands.

"Wait. He can't remember anything?"

Crowley sighed.

"He can't remember anything that 'happened between him and Dean'. Apparently he's mortal now. Now, if you'd be so kind."

He smirked at Gabriel's frown.

"Nice to meet you, demon."

Gabriel disappeared. What a smartass.

* * *

><p>Sam had driven as fast as he could and gotten back to the cabin in under 4 hours. He was doing his best to help Kim as Dean continued to labor. He was mostly just there for Dean when the contractions started to come closer together. His hand was starting to grow sore from where Dean squeezed at it. Not like he'd tell Dean that, after all, he was the one doing all the work. It felt weird to see his brother like this, though. There was nothing he could do to help the pain or stop it. It just had to happen. The grip on Sam's hand signaled him that another contraction was starting. He watched Dean's face tighten and his breathing slowed as he concentrated. Sam held still, waiting for it to pass. Dean released his hand.<p>

"Son of a bitch."

Dean sounded exhausted already. Last time Kim had checked him, he was only 6 cm. Sam had no idea what that meant, but Kim said it still meant he had a while to go. That was nearly three hours ago. And Gabriel still hadn't shown up. What if Crowley hadn't gotten a hold of him? Sam shook his head, not allowing the thought as Kim walked into the room.

"Okay, Dean. I know you hate this, but I need to check you again. Just let me know when your next contraction starts alright?"

Dean nodded as Kim put a pair of gloves on. They sat in silence for a few minutes before the grip tightened again.

"Kim." was all Dean got out before he focused on his breathing.

Kim had Sam hold one of Dean's legs and Sam focused on not looking downwards. Dean suddenly gasped and whimpered. Sam rubbed his thumb back and forth on the back of Dean's hand, trying to give as much comfort as he could. The grip released again as Dean let out a long rush of air. Sam grabbed a washcloth and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"You okay, Dean?"

Dean smiled, "You really want me to answer that?"

Sam shook his head, putting the cloth back down. Kim stood, taking off the gloves.

"Sam. I need you for a minute."

Sam glanced at Dean who nodded. Sam stood.

"Bobby!"

Bobby appeared in the doorway instantly. Nodding at Sam, he sat beside Dean. Sam followed Kim into the next room. She looked worried.

"What's wrong?"

Kim bit her lip.

"He's not progressing. I've seen this happen before in cases where the father isn't around. It's like there's this mental block without the dad there."

Sam held his breath for a second, trying to process the information.

"So, what do we do?"

Kim looked up at him.

"Usually, when the father gets there, it goes really fast. But without Cas, I don't know. Without any further progress, there's not much I can do. I mean, I can't do a c-section."

Sam sighed.

"Well, Cas should be here soon. Let's just focus on getting Dean ready for whatever."

He turned his head as he heard a shout from Dean's room. Kim rubbed his arm as they turned and rushed back to Dean. Sam sighed and whispered a silent prayer to Gabriel to hurry up.

* * *

><p>Cas had been on that road for almost twelve hours before he heard the familiar flutter of wings. He instinctively pulled out his knife.<p>

"Come on, Castiel. You would kill your own brother?"

Cas lowered the knife as Gabriel walked up to him.

"Gabriel. I thought that you were..."

Gabriel nodded.

"So did I. About you, too."

They stood there for a moment before Gabriel wrapped him in an embrace. It only lasted a second before Gabriel pulled back.

"It's good to see you, Castiel. I know I need to gain your trust again, but I want to let you know I never meant to abandon you. I was being selfish when I left. I'm sorry."

Cas blinked. He hadn't known what to expect, but an apology?

"Uh. Thank you, Gabriel. It's okay."

Gabriel gave him a sad smile.

"Come on. I need to show you something."

Gabriel pressed his fingers to Cas' forehead and the scenery changed instantly. They were in some sort of cabin. He heard a shout and watched as Sam and an unfamiliar woman rushed past him.

"Can they see me?"

Gabriel shook his head.

"Cas. I don't know how else to tell you, so I'm going to show you. Dean's in that room down the hall."

Cas looked in the direction Sam had just disappeared to.

"Is De-. Is he dying?"

Castiel stuttered over the words, almost whispering at what he was implementing. Gabriel shook his head.

"Just go see for yourself."

Castiel took slow steps down the hall. He stopped outside the doorway and took a deep breath. He turned the corner to find Dean. But it wasn't Dean. How could it be? His stomach was too big. He watched as Sam rubbed Dean's face as he collapsed back down on the bed, exhausted. How could this have happened?

"Gabriel. What is this?"

Gabriel smirked.

"I know you know what childbirth looks like, Castiel."

Cas' head snapped up to Gabriel.

"You mean- Dean?"

Gabriel nodded. Cas swallowed the tears that threatened him. That means Dean had been with another angel. He'd done with someone else what he'd never done with Cas. It hurt.

"Who- Who's the father?"

Gabriel sighed and pointed at Cas.

"I was hoping seeing him would help you remember. It's you. You're his baby daddy."

Cas shook his head, backing up.

"No. That's not possible. I was dead. And I've never even. I mean, I didn't ever-"

The hall started to spin. What was happening? Cas felt the blackness overcome him as he fell forwards.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Authors Note:** _Second to last chapter, everybody! Very last chance to request anything for the epilogue. I can't tell you how much all the reviews and alerts and favorites have meant to me. I seriously love you all.

_**WARNING:** _My mother is a midwive and I've witnessed over 7 births. So, kind of GRAPHIC BIRTH. Don't like, don't read. Gratiz.

_**Full Disclosure?** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18:<strong>

Sam kneeled and ran his hand across Dean's forehead and down the side of his face, trying to comfort him as the contraction ended. Dean gasped and collapsed back onto the bed. He took a few deep breaths before looking up at Sam. He cleared his throat.

"What does a guy have to do to get some water around here?"

Sam smiled, "I'll be right back."

Giving Dean's hand a squeeze, he headed to the kitchen. But he didn't expect to run into Gabriel. He was dragging someone down the hallway towards the living room.

"Oh my god." Was all Sam could manage, he stood frozen in the hallway. Gabriel looked up at him.

"Well, come on big boy. This would be a lot easier if you helped."

Sam snapped back into action, picking Castiel up by the legs and carrying him to the couch.

"I can't believe you found him." Sam studied Cas for a minute. From the torn and dirty jeans to the growing stubble on his face.

"He looks different."

Gabriel nodded.

"Being a mere mortal will do that to you."

Sam sat down on the little table, looking from Cas to Gabriel.

"What happened?"

Gabriel shrugged, "I showed him Dean and he may have freaked out just a little. And by freaked out, I mean passed out."

Sam grinned. Nothing phased Cas. But seeing Dean like this literally knocked him out.

"Did he remember anything?"

Gabriel leaned against the wall, shaking his head slowly. Sam pursed his lips. There had to be a way to get him to remember. He had to be awake first, though. He reached over and grabbed Cas' shoulder, shaking gently.

"Cas. Wake up, man."

Cas gave a small groan, rubbing his eyes before opening them. He suddenly jerked upwards, sitting erect.

"Sam?"

Sam smiled.

"Yeah. It's me."

Cas gave him a small smile before it quickly faded as he spotted Gabriel.

"So it was all real." Cas stated more than questioned.

Sam nodded.

"I know you can't remember, but you were in Dean's head for months."

Cas shook his head, "Why can't I remember? How do you know it was really me?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders, "Well, Dean is kind of pregnant. I don't know how else to explain that. It had to be you."

Cas just kept shaking his head, "But how? I was only in his head."

Sam moved from the table, sitting down next to Cas.

"You shared grace with him. And, you know. Sex."

Castiel blushed and rubbed his neck. Sam stood and crossed to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. He handed it to Cas.

"Come on. He's been waiting for you."

Cas took the bottle and sighed.

"I don't know how to do this. I can't."

Sam knelt down until he was looking at Cas eye-to-eye.

"Cas. You can do this. He needs you right now. Even if you will never remembered what happened between you and my brother, there's another time for that."

A painful shout came from Dean's bedroom. Cas shifted his eyes, the blood draining from his face. Sam stood back up, offering his hand.

"Come on."

* * *

><p>Castiel took Sam's hand to stand. How was he supposed to comfort Dean? He searched his memory once more as Sam led him down the hall, the screaming growing louder as he drew closer. He paused outside the door, observing Dean. His eyes were closed and his face was contorted in pain. One hand grasped his stomach and the other gripped the sheets. Bobby was standing on the side of the bed, wiping Dean's face with a cloth. He looked up and met Cas' eyes. Bobby froze and stepped back, holding the cloth out to Cas. Cas stepped forward, all anxiety gone as another side of him took over. He stood beside Dean, he returned the cloth to Dean's skin, rubbing down his neck. He moved his other hand downwards, slipping it into the hand tangled in the sheets. Dean instantly gripped Cas' hand and gave another shout before dropping his head backwards, eyes still shut. Cas rubbed his thumb along Dean's hand as his breathing evened out, slow and steady. He looked up in time to watch Bobby, the unknown woman and Sam walk out of the room. Cas put the cloth down. He knelt, bringing Dean's hand to his mouth.<p>

"Sorry I'm late."

Dean eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. Dean smiled and tightened his grip on Cas' hand.

"Better late than never."

Dean's voice sounded shaky. He took his other hand and rested it against Cas' cheek. Cas closed his eyes and sighed. A memory suddenly flashed into his mind. At least he hoped it was a memory.

_They were in the Impala, Dean had Cas' face in his hands._

_"It's only you, Cas. For a long time now, it's only been you."_

Cas opened his eyes as Dean's hand moved to the back of his neck. He felt pressure as Dean pulled him closer. Dean's eyes flickered back and forth, almost as if he was trying to count the different shades of blue in Castiel's eyes. Cas felt his breath hitch. Dean's hand was still intertwined with his. Dean brought Cas' hand to his chest and pulled gently at the back of Cas' neck. Cas' lips were almost touching Dean's. Dean exhaled and held his head steady. What was Dean waiting for? Cas was so close to him. He could almost taste Dean. He couldn't stand it. He took the plunge. The spark started at the bottom of his spine as their lips collided. The warmth moved up Cas' spine until it hit his head. Castiel broke the contact between them and gasped.

It was as if a levy had been broken. Memory after memory washed over him. From that first time to the very last desperate embrace. It was here. He remembered everything. Dean's hand moved down, rubbing his arm.

"Cas, are you alright?"

Cas chuckled almost breathlessly. He didn't answer, he just kissed Dean again. A quick, chaste kiss.

"I'm very well. It feels good to be back, Dean. It feels very good."

Dean smiled at him before the grip on Cas' hand tightened. It felt like Dean was going to break his hand. But Castiel just stroked at Dean's hair, never breaking eye contact. He lowered his voice, whispering softly.

"It'll be over soon, Dean. I'm here now. I've got you. Just breathe. I'm not going anywhere."

Dean's breath hitched as he lifted his head forwards, pulling his upper back off the bed, trying to fit himself into the fetal position. Cas took a deep breath, willing to take the pain away from Dean. He moved fast, crawling behind Dean and acting as a human pillow. Dean let out a shout and gritted his teeth. The woman suddenly appeared in the doorway again. She grabbed a pair of gloves and lifted the sheet covering Dean's legs. She smiled up at Cas as she did who knows what down there. Cas felt blood rush to his face at the thought of someone else touching Dean. But he quickly pushed the jealousy down. She was helping Dean. Helping. The grip on his hand released. Dean's head fell to his chest. Cas grabbed the water he had set on the table, first opening it then handing it to Dean.

"Thanks."

Cas pressed his lips to the top of Dean's head in response. The woman smiled as she stood removing her gloves.

"How long have you been in labor?"

Cas asked curiously. Dean shook his head.

"I don't even know what time it is. Kim?"

The woman glanced at her watch.

"You started having serious contractions around noon. But you complained about back pain earlier. That was a sign of labor. It's nearly 4 in the morning."

Cas kissed the side of Dean's head.

"You're so beautiful. I don't know if I ever told you that. You truly amaze me, Dean."

Dean smiled up at him before pushing playfully at his shoulders, which Cas couldn't believe he could do in his current state.

"Shut up. You know you did this to me, right? You owe me so much right now."

Cas smiled again, leaning down to press his lips to Dean's. Dean suddenly broke the touch and grit his teeth.

"Already?"

Cas heard Dean whisper as Dean squeezed down on Cas' hand. Cas held him through the pain. As the grip slackened again, Dean struggled to sit up.

"I need to get up. I can't lay here anymore."

The woman named Kim nodded.

"It'll actually help move things along. Why don't you show Cas the house. I'll get us ready for… You know."

Cas smiled at her awkwardness as he helped Dean up. Dean sat at the edge of the bed for a minute, hands resting on Cas' shoulders as another contraction overcame him. Kim came alongside Cas, holding Dean's wrist to take his pulse. Dean let out a long breath.

"Goddamn it. I can barely breathe between these."

Kim patted his arm.

"Believe it or not, that's actually a good sign. It means you're almost done. You're actually progressing, Dean. I won't be surprised if your little girl is here within the next hour."

Dean nodded tiredly as Cas put his arm around his own neck, supporting Dean as much as he could. The tour of the house only made it as far as the living room before Dean had another contraction. Sam was standing in the kitchen when it happened. He rushed to help Cas sit him on the couch when a rush of water came from Dean.

* * *

><p>Dean felt that. It had to be his water breaking. It felt strange but it was a relief at the same time. Like pressure was taken off him. But then the pain tripled. He would've collapsed had it not been for Cas and Sam supporting him.<p>

Cas. He had come back. Dean would've cried with joy if he wasn't already holding the tears back from the pain.

"The bed. Take me back to the bed!"

Dean struggled to say just those simple words as they carried him back to his room. Kim was fast. There was a plastic sheet covering not only his bed but most of his floor as well. He felt something move downwards inside him. It was the weirdest thing he's ever felt. But it was beautiful. That was his daughter. She was finally ready to see him. He felt the urge to push as they laid him on the bed. But he resisted. Kim needed to check first. Make sure that he was ready. He stared at the ceiling as he felt Kim's fingers rub over his opening and slid upwards into him. He felt a shout escape his lips. The pain started to grow weaker until it was just the dull throbbing between the pain. He took a deep breath, he could do this. He'd been through worse. He just couldn't remember when at the moment. He felt steady hands lift him upwards until that familiar someone moved behind him. He felt a strong hand rub over his belly and a gravelly voice whisper in his ear.

"You're doing so well. You're almost there. I know you can do this. I love you, Dean."

Chapped lips kissed his neck as Kim said something about fully dilated. Another contraction was starting. Dean took a deep breath. He didn't remember telling his brain to scream but the sound came out of his mouth. It sounded strange and foreign but the burn at the back of his throat told him that the sound was coming from himself. The urge to push came again and he looked down at Kim who nodded.

"Push Dean. You've gotta push now."

He gripped his knees and pulled them towards himself as he bared down, pushing as hard as he could. He felt Cas behind him, whispering encouragement. But it wasn't enough. As the pain subsided, Dean could still feel his daughter inside him. He released his knees, falling into Cas exhausted. He heard Sam's voice next.

"Come on, Dean. You're almost done. The pain is almost over. Do you want to see your little girl?"

Dean smiled and nodded. He saw Sam smile back as the pain overtook him again. This time, Cas gripped his knees with him, always whispering. Always loving.

He pushed again, this time feeling movement.

"You're crowing Dean. I can see her little head. It's beautiful, Dean. Do you want to feel her?"

Dean absentmindedly nodded, feeling Kim's delicate hand guide his downwards, between his legs. He felt something rounded and hairy. A tiny head. He smiled to himself as another contraction hit. He knew he needed to push but he didn't know if he could. He was so tired. He felt soft warm breath on his neck.

"Dean. I know you can do this. You brought me back. You can do this. Just a few more pushes. I love you, Dean. I know you can do this."

Dean nodded and gripped at his knees again, pushing with everything left in him. The most intense pain he had ever felt overcame him. He let out a shout as her head, and with one last push, her shoulders passed through him. He felt all his limbs shake as Kim pulled his daughter out and cleared her airways. Dean couldn't stop staring. She was so tiny. And all pink and wrinkly. A sudden piercing cry sounded throughout the room. Dean felt Cas sit up and wrap himself around Dean.

"That was amazing, Dean. Look at what you did. You held her inside you and brought her into this world. So beautiful, Dean."

Dean smiled as Cas pressed his lips against his neck. He turned to meet Cas' mouth with his own. His tongue searching for just a moment before breaking the touch to turn back to Kim. She had his- _their_ daughter all wrapped in a warm blanket. He held out his arms as she placed her against his chest. She cried for a second at the exchange but fell silent as her eyes opened and she stared up at her fathers. She had his eyes. Bright, deep blue. It felt like she was staring right into his soul. He felt Cas sigh against him. Look at what they had made. She had dark curls and blue eyes like Cas. But her little lips and nose looked exactly like his. He felt this wave of peace wash over him. Whatever happened, it didn't matter. He had Cas and now…

"What should we name her?"

Dean rested in Cas' arms. Letting the breathing calm him as an after pain hit him.

"What about Matana?"

Cas suggested.

"Matana. I kind of like it. What does it mean?"

Dean looked up at Sam as he spoke. He felt the vibrations against his back as Cas answered.

"It's from the Hebrew for 'gift' or 'blessing'. I think it's appropriate for her. Look at her."

And they all did. Her face grew still as she kept staring back at them. Dean smiled down at her.

"Hello, Matana. You're my little blessing, aren't you?"

And, honest to God, she smiled back.


	19. Epilogue

_**Author's Note:** _Holy crapstorm, you guys. I am SO SORRY for taking so long. Life got crazy. I love you all! And just remember what Chuck said, endings are HARD.

_**Full Disclosure?** _I don't own anything Supernatural. I know. Sad but true.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue:<strong>

Six Months Later

"Cas. Cas. Kim's got it. We gotta go if we're going to be back by tomorrow night."

Cas' eyes didn't look up from the small, prone child lying on their bed.

"I don't know, Dean. She's still so small. What if something happens?"

Dean shook his head and scoffed.

"It's a simple salt and burn. Nothing is going to happen."

Cas looked up, his eyes conveying the panic he was feeling to Dean. Dean sighed and lowered his bag. He needed this hunt. He'd be out of it for almost 9 months. Sure, it's taken him longer to heal from Mattie's birth than he'd hoped, but the point is that he's healed. Even if it's taken 6 months. And now he just wants to gank something.

But the fear in Cas' eyes made him reach his arms out to wrap around Cas' waist, pulling him close.

"Cas. Nothing is going to happen."

Cas stared at his hands for a moment before turning his gaze to the sleeping form of Matana. Dean heard him let out a shaky breath.

"I trust you, Dean. I apologize if I don't appear to right now. I'm just concerned."

Cas gave Dean a sideways sort-of smirk. Dean pressed his lips to the side of his smirk. He would tell you it's just because he could. It made him feel like more of a man than admitting it's just because Cas looked so damn adorable in that moment. He lowered his face, resting his lips on Cas' collarbone, breathing the next words into his skin.

"I know, Cas. Neither of us have left her yet. She won't even remember this though. And we're not going to get hurt. I have your back and you have mine."

Cas gave a deep throated laugh, "Yes, I do. In more ways than one."

Dean smiled even as he felt his face warm just a bit. His heart sped faster. They hadn't done anything since Cas appeared for Matana's birth. Much to Gabriel's dismay. Personally, Dean wanted to be as far away from Gabriel when they finally did something. But Gabriel seemed to be everywhere. Constantly checking in on his now mortal brother. Dean sighed as he remembered that fact. Every once in a while, Dean would catch Cas looking at his reflection. But his eyes would be directed too high. Dean knew he was looking for his wings. Gabriel had offered him some of his grace, but Cas wouldn't even listen. Something about that being a little too weird for him. When Dean had asked him about it later, Cas had blushed and said something about sexual implication and it'd be awkward having part of his brother in him. Dean had let it go immediately.

Cas turned in his arms, finally breaking the stare he'd held on Matana. He pressed his lips to Dean's before slipping past him, letting his hand slide down Dean's arm before gently squeezing his hand. Dean reached down and grabbed his bag, following Castiel down the hall to the living room. Kim was spread across the couch, using Sam's legs as a pillow. Cas opened his mouth to speak before Kim interrupted.

"I know how to babysit, Cas. As much as I love you, you've gotta know I'll take care of your little girl. Now go. Renew that spark I've heard so much about."

Cas turned a questioning look to Dean who just shrugged his shoulder and grinned. He may have told Kim how they met and Kim may or may not have giggled and started singing Taylor Swift. Dean immediately shut her down but the memory still made him smile.

"Thank you for that, Kim."

Kim lifted her hand in a mock salute as Dean crossed to the door, dragging Cas behind him.

* * *

><p>The job was the easiest job Dean had ever done. He'd have to thank Bobby for the ease in later. Mostly for Cas' sake. The poor bastard had tried to do the entire job by himself. Dean had nipped that in the bud. He'd grabbed the shovel from Cas and gotten his hands dirty. That's how they ended up at the motel by the side of the road. More specifically, in the shower in the motel by the side of the road.<p>

It felt so innocent. A few simple touches. A kiss. And then another. They stayed that way until the water ran cold and their skin was soft and pruney.

Dean silently dried himself and Cas off before leading them to the bed, letting Cas fall backwards onto the mattress, bouncing slightly. Cas propped himself on one elbow, too eager to wait for Dean to move down to him. He grabbed Deans shoulder dragging him down into a desperate kiss, pulling until their skin was pressed flush against each other. Cas was the one to break the kiss, wrapping one leg around Dean and pulling Deans fingers to his mouth. He kissed the tips gently before sucking them into his mouth.

Dean took a ragged breath, eyes locked with Cas'. Dean drug his slick fingers out of Cas' mouth, causing him to whimper softly. Dean felt his skin grow hotter as the blood rushed at the sound. He guided his index finger down, first circling Cas before pushing in without warning. He stopped at the second knuckle, not wanting Cas to feel any discomfort. Sure, they had done this before. But that was a dream. This was real. This physical being beneath him was truly Cas. His Castiel. Fallen angel, turned mortal.

He felt Cas thrust upwards, forcing Deans finger completely inside him. Cas gave a grunt as Dean crooked his finger slightly. He pulled out just enough to add a second finger, circling and stretching Cas open. Dean felt Cas' fingernails grasp and scratch against his back and he knew he found Cas' prostrate. Dean leaned closer to press a kiss to the crook of Cas' neck as he added another finger, scissoring slightly. He felt Cas' huff of disapproval against his shoulder as he pulled his fingers out. Dean pulled back, sitting on his calves to look down at Cas spread beneath him, panting and hard. Cas' cock was already leaking pre-come and Dean didn't remember touching him. He lowered down to lick at Cas' slit before taking him into his mouth. He held Cas down by the hips, preventing him from bucking upwards.

Dean knew he had done this before. A lot. But this felt so different. The taste was stronger and he couldn't take Cas as deep as he had in the dreams. He would've been disappointed had Cas not started moaning rather loudly. He could feel Cas start to tighten right before Cas grabbed him by the hair pulling him up until his lips left Cas' dick with an obscene pop. Cas just panted down at him and shook his head wordlessly. Dean somehow knew what Cas meant. He wanted to climax with Dean inside of him. Dean suddenly felt like they were quickly becoming an old married couple. The kind that had been together so long that they knew exactly what each other's slight mannerisms meant. Dean smiled and nodded, reaching to the bedside table where he had stashed the lube.

He stroked himself quickly, wanting to feel complete. The kind of complete that he'd felt with Cas before all the sleepless nights with Matana. Dean was about to align himself with Cas before he remembered something. Something that supposedly made this as painless as possible. He turned Cas onto his side and slid behind him, pressing his chest to Cas' back. He placed a gentle kiss to the back of Cas' ear before lifting Cas' leg to expose his hole. Cas bent his leg to wrap behind Deans knees, rubbing his ass against Deans hard cock. Dean took a deep breath before lining himself up, pressing the head of his dick against Cas' entrance before pausing, silently waiting for permission. Cas nodded fast, gasping for breath.

Dean thrust forwards slowly, pausing each time he felt Cas tense against him. Cas soon started pushing back, begging for more until there was no more to give. Dean rolled and slid them until they were at the edge of the bed, Cas sitting against Dean, breathing sharply as Dean lifted him up to slide to the tip of Deans dick before guiding him slowly back down. They kept a steady rhythm. Their panted breaths the only noise aside from the slapping of skin on skin.

Cas started to get more desperate, needing more pressure than Dean was giving him. He pulled himself off of Dean completely, pushing him back down onto the bed before grabbing Deans cock, pumping once before placing his knees to either side of Deans hips to straddle him. He gave Dean a smirky half smile before placing his hands on Deans chest, sinking himself down to sheath Dean in himself completely. He inhaled sharply at the new angle before lifting himself and slamming himself back down, clenching himself around Dean.

Dean felt his hands fly to Cas' hips to steady him as he started to go faster. Dean felt himself grow closer to his impending orgasm as Cas lifted a hand to start stroking himself to completion. Dean felt Cas' motions start to stutter. Dean thrust swiftly upwards, hitting that bundle of nerves in Cas dead on causing Cas to groan and spurt onto him. Dean felt the clench around his cock as Cas' orgasm cause him to cry out sharply and fall to Dean's chest.

Dean rolled them until Cas was lying underneath him. He took a deep breath and waited for Cas to open his eyes and smile up at Dean before thrusting into Cas again. Cas groaned happily up at him, clenching around Dean right as he thrust completely inside Cas. Dean grunted, finally feeling his release fill Cas. Then something happened.

Cas gave a painful yelp, all his muscles tensing against Deans body. Dean tried to grasp at reality as he fought the post-orgasmic high.

"Cas. Cas!"

Dean cried, worried.

Cas suddenly went completely slack, his chest not moving up and down with the steady, necessary oxygen. Dean froze.

"Cas. Cas?"

The next thirty seconds felt like the longest of Deans life. Cas looked so peaceful lying beneath Dean, his skin still warm and sticky with the night's activities.

Dean pressed a hand against Cas' chest, waiting for the now familiar breathing. When it didn't come, Dean lifted his hands, clenching it into a fist and slamming it once. Twice on Cas' chest.

Suddenly, Cas' eyes flew open and Dean could feel that something was different. Cas took a deep breath, smiling up at Dean before vanishing. Deans hand drove downwards into the mattress before Dean jumped off the bed.

"CAS."

Was all he could manage to yell before he heard something crash in the bathroom. He leapt into action, grabbing the nearest gun. He forgot he was completely nude as he kicked the bathroom door open.

Cas was standing there with a silly grin on his face. Cas rushed up to Dean and grasped as his face, planted a hard kiss on Deans mouth.

"Thank you. Thank you, Dean. I love you so much."

Cas breathed the words repeatedly against Deans neck between the kisses and sucking. Dean still had a strong grip on his gun, wondering what the hell happened.

"Cas. I love you too. But please, what the hell just happened?"

Cas pulled back, a puzzled look on his face.

"You mean- You didn't?"

Dean shook his head, "I don't know what you're talking about, man."

Cas tilted his head, letting his hands run down Deans sides, wrapping his hand around Deans gun, placing it on the counter.

"Dean. I have grace again. Not very much, but I have grace. I can feel it trying to wrap itself back around my spine. Dean. This is my grace. You must have transferred some of the grace I used on you, back to me. I thought Gabriel had told you how to do it. It obviously has to be very intimate."

Dean smiled. He understood now why Cas didn't want Gabriel to transfer his grace to Cas.

"He never told me. But maybe that's why he's been trying to get us alone together."

Cas smiled at Dean, wrapping his hands around Deans waist.

"That would explain a lot."

Dean leaned down to kiss Cas again as he thought of something.

"Cas. I just thought, we have shared grace again. Does this mean-" he lifted his hand to brush between their stomachs before continuing, "Does this mean we can have more kids?"

Cas kept silent, head tilting again. Dean suddenly felt self conscious.

"I don't mean right now. I mean. Mattie is still really young and I'm not ready to carry again but-"

Dean stopped as Cas pressed his fingers to Deans lips.

"Dean. I'm not sure. You're thinking too much. If we're meant to have another blessing, it will happen."

Dean sighed, suddenly tired.

"Come on."

He gripped Cas' hand tightly as he led them back to the bed before realizing that they had never cleaned up. Cas picked up quickly at the problem and smiled as he snapped his fingers, cleaning them instantly. Dean laid down, wrapping himself behind Cas underneath the sheets.

"I could get used to this."

Cas sighed happily and wiggled himself to make himself snug again Dean. And yes, Deans thoughts drifting to Matana. He could definitely get used to this.


End file.
